Thursday, December 27, 2007

2008~!

So its Friday again, exams are over, friends are off, to return home, the much hyped PARTY, is done with……which sort of leaves me, with a ton of FREE time, and I should be happier than this, but I am so used to these people, that their absence gets to me, that I am an emotional idiot most of the times, is a vital part of it too.

So this is the last weekend of 2007………2007, I think was a good year, much love is due to those around me, who made my life so much better in so many ways……so here it goes;

To Priya, someone I thought I could never ever be friends with, who listens to all my crazy ideas with a twinkle in her eyes and flashes that brilliant smile of hers, which makes it worth the effort!... also along with Akhil and ankur, introducing me to the wonderful world of Dark temptations and cold coffees.

To Akhil, who sulks, screams and sulks some more, but in the end never forgets being my friend….and who draws the best penguins ever!

To Harish, who is incredibly intelligent and yet, chooses to pay attention to my inane babble. For being my encyclopedia, discussing with me everything, ranging from politics in Gujarat to messy love lives, and in turn, making me a little knowledgeable, too.

To ankur, for the sweetheart that he is, being someone who understands me and my thoughts, even if they are still in my head… and for making me feel important at the end of the day. And for one new word, everyday!

To Anuj, for being himself.

To Samarth, for not being around that much but still making his presence felt, everyday.

To Prakhar, for teeny bits of timely advice and being a part of my life.

To Timsy, for all the girly gossip and for being a fellow bitch!

To my sister, who really is the most beautiful girl in the whole world, who when I am sad forgets that she is 7 years younger to me and holds me close, taking in my fears and comforting me, who with her smile, makes life wonderful. For all the times she fights with me, and for all those times, we laugh without knowing the reason.

To my parents, for all the times I disagree with them, and get angry with them, for making me realize that in the end, they made me who I am.

To Baba, for never letting my faith go to waste.

And finally…….

To Ish, I never thought we’d ever get beyond that “hello”, but we did, and look how well that turned out. Thank you.


So here’s hoping that I can bring some happiness to ur lives too. Happy 2008!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

yeah....right!

Hmmm, so I havent been here for some time now, well, exams going on now, I don’t really want to say how god or bad they have been going cause regardless I never cross the meagre 7 even…..whats the point?

There are a lot of things I hate, things I detest, maybe they bring out my own character flaws or all that is incomplete in my existence but right now all I know is that there is this man I am related to, whose idea of women is barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen!...and I am sorry, but I thought we were out of the stone ages!............ I hate the not-so-subtle use of “since u are a girl……..” , well I am not going to get into how women have been downtrodden and blah blah blah, but u know, people are so busy thinking about it on a larger scale that no one even gives a little thought to things on a smaller scale, I do not hate this man, I just don’t like the way he is, the way he has been for the past 19 years I have known him.... I do not know whether to pity his wife for putting up with him or to applaud her for not ever running away! ..... we assume that the women being abused are those who have visible scars on their body, those who are kicked out of their homes,but what about those with the emotional scars, think of the heartaches that park themselves permanently on your heart refusing to leave , these are situations where it ceases to be about a man or a woman, regardless of who is hurting whom, it is about endless pain, that comes in small packets assigned to us at various moments, moments which sadly do not show up alone, they bring with them all that we lock up in boxes from the past and push to the dusty corners of our mind.

I don’t get this concept, how you become so oblivious to someone else, who was very much the centre of your universe at some point (or so you lead them to believe) ??

I do not hate men, like most others, I too just think that they are scum most of the time, but maybe it’s the “Indian-HAI MERA BETA” syndrome, that seems to give them so much importance that seems is ridiculous…..nobody and I mean no one has a right to pop up every now and then to say “ if u were a boy na……..”, please, humor me, had I been a boy, what are the superpowers I might have had??.... would I have been able to fly?, NO, more helpful around the house? , NO, better at anything else? Read my lips, N O!!! well I’ll tell u what I wouldn’t have done if I were a boy, I would have never helped around the house, cause it would have been instilled in me that I was the king of the universe, if that’s what is required of me, I could still do that, on one condition, that I never get slapped with the “u are a girl, do something!!”…….oh that’s going to make me MAD!!.... as in effectively break stuff. (that too counts as DOING SOMETHING!, u know!)

How people bring up kids like this is beyond me, one little spanking should have done it, sorry, that’s what u do to idiots like these. If I have a son, and if he ever embarks on an ego trip I am going all out to bring the little punk back on track and give him a lesson or two, making sure he’d never forget. I don’t really want to be Dr.Seuss, but giving ur children good manners and making good people out of them is better than pleasing them!

Yes, I too have a feeling that I am going to be the old woman in the building, that kids hate and annoy on purpose, break her fancy china and let her dog lose just to see the sunky buddhi run………………… yeah, well I am smarter, one, I don’t like dogs, I am not exactly THE CRAZY PLATE LADY and lastly, I’ll invest in window wala glass!! He he!!

Thursday, December 6, 2007

when i read the following piece, i thought the person who put it up was being his usual cynical self,i mean i have always thought highly of him, but here was this guy who has what most people dont, what most people yearn for and still he chooses to see everything around him in this light,when i co-relate my thoughts to his, i see myself being the kid which i probably am, seeing the world through a rose tint... nothing is wrong, i am the same, people are the same and the only thing that possibly changed is perception, not towards them but towards most situations.......maybe it is a good thing, to be all bitter and cynical,the idea is very appealing to me, i am reconsidering that "build-a-wall-around-yourself-idea" but really......nothing has happened........nothing, really.

People disappoint me.
I tell them at outset
they will. They insist...
(in not so many words)
"No, I'm the real deal..."
and sometimes
I am taken in. But
in the end... people
Disappoint, dismay.
Thankfully in most cases,
the lightbulb flickers
soon enough. In others...
Well they linger to crystallize
The Pain

PS: I am Sure that I disappoint people too



yes, i am being a baby about this, yes i am overreacting, but hell, its my life and i will, i am not exactly a saint and for crying out loud, i am 19 so i dont want to be Osho at the moment.surround yourself by people who CARE about u, be in their constant company...there are still things which u will never figure so perhaps it is better just to let all this just grow on you.

huh, being a cold-mean-bitch could be amazing, na??, maybe i am there already!........

ok bye.

ME-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Of late, I can’t even carry on a decent conversation with people.

I hate these phases… and they seem to be occurring all too frequently. Having no idea what you want is a terrible thing.

Running away… hmmm… but I realized, the one thing I want to run away from is the person I am… from myself… but darn- it just keeps coming with me wherever I go!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thursday, November 29, 2007

been some time na!!!

Hey you…….yeah yeah I know its been a little too long since I dropped in to say hello, and I have no reasons for it yaar, didn’t really have very much to say… was partly bored and partly lazy, didn’t know what to write and wanted to take my time to add spice to my life so that I could come back here and write about it.

Well Cosmo’s advice to Capricorn women for adding spice to their lives goes something like this, “ you go girl, add some spice to life, the next time u see him, rip his clothes off..” ….ehem…….well that line didn’t do very much to me but did scare someone, so much so that I can now threaten Ish with it. Well it kind of comes as a surprise to him, the content of these women’s magazines, this after he “accidentally” came across a copy of Marie Claire, well then, thank god he hasn’t read Cosmo yet…that would definitely scare him…. So I bought a new orange sweater which I believe looks quite good on me, plus Priya, my lovely has the same one … so for this season its Ish’s favorite one on me, I like the fact that I am not the only neurotic one now who is always longing to see that green shirt, u are in the same bracket now baby!!

Ankur, is FINALLY committed and I am so happy for him and richa, he deserves the best and so does she, I love them both and love the fact that they both are in love too.

Harish and akhil seem to be enacting chosen episodes of chose K soaps where they take turns playing the mother in law ( although harish wants to be the bitchy vamp!!)….i don’t like this one bit, its too weird, I like them both and hate to take sides, so guys to both of u BE A MAN and admit, u are wrong, me and pri are always right!

Purchases…that’s reminds me, new brown ballerinas added to the wardrobe (yay!!) plus brought black spaghetti… (looks hot, even on me!!)

Recently went to a store with Priya and we both tried on this really hot dress, fit us both nicely and looked super cute, one glitch, I am a little bit chubby and cannot seem to change that, yes, I am lazy! So I eat Ish’s head about this continually and then go to the café and have lunch!!!

Saw Jab We Met, I thought it was a nice movie, then again I am a sucker for romances and like almost everything with a happy ending, but since this is the first movie that we saw together, it was special. Stayed away from Saawariya and Om Shanti Om, naah!, too much too much!...but u have to admit that ranbir kapoor is kinda cute.

Okay, nothing much to say now, birthdays are coming up, Priya first, then Ish and then ME!!.......i just like this, last year me and ankur had a lunch treat, just the two of us, this year me and pri are planning to give a treat together, really hoping that works out.

Have caught a nasty cold, to be honest I do not like myself like this one bit, I am quite sure I am a pain to those around me too, more than the usual….i feel really really old right now….and now I’ve forgotten what I was going to say!!.....maybe I am THAT old.

and yeah i am finally going to be 19, i should realise now that life doesnt really stop for people, everyone moves on.....well maybe.


Okay ciao then,
Love,
Swatu!

Friday, November 2, 2007

eee today!

well hey, its been sometime i know......i am still almost the same, perpetually messing up a lot of things...still laughing, yes!

today wasnt that good after all, "Ich" fell down and hurt himself, so no college today...not exciting atleast....

i realisd something today, it takes so little to make us sad, while it has to be so much to make us happy.i sulked a lot today, for varied reasons but in the end i guess its silly to trust everyone in ur life, just cause u talk to them and see everyone day in and day out.....we are all selfish ignorant people, who seldom think about others in our lives.....good so i know that about myself, just need to figure that abt others now.

moped a lot,. missed a lot..loved a lot.

lots of love,
ich liebe du,
S.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

then..and NOW.......

a couple of months ago, i put up the following verse by vikram seth.....i still love it, but then i was assured that its one of those ideal things that never happen, or even if they do, then not to me.i debated the equity mentioned, for i was certain that in my case reciprocation never existed.......

"Half out of sleep I watch your sleeping face.
Behind your eyelids' restlessness I see
A dream that waking may not quite displace.
If there were equity you'd dream of me."


but now, well now now is different, unbelievably different........i know now that what i feel is reciprocated. that i wake up every morning and think about u, somewhere, u too are thinking about me.
that now i can love u knowing that u love me back.
i know love does not depend on whether or not it is mutual.but trust me, love is definitely better that way...and much easier.

so thankyou.
love,
s.

Friday, October 12, 2007

dance dance baby!!

hello........
i know i know its been sumtime and a LOT been happening so .........well i am here now na.

so i went to see this dance performance thing yesterday, kuchipudi performance....see i didnt really want to go, but had to since the oldies needed someone.... now the thing is that the lady they were going to see is someone i absolutely detest, on the only occassion that i had met her, 2 years ago, i had gone from disiking to hating her, she yells at anyone in sight and i am sure she hasnt really smiled since the 1980's................. but then i looked at her more closely, people coming and greeting her, but not a smile, just a flicker of recognition. in that one moment i saw how alone she was, what i felt for that woman then was not hate anymore but rather pity....to be surrounded by people but still be up on that pedestal, unable to connect with a single soul, to have disconected to yourself so far off from people, from life that you cant feel anything anymore, not even grief.............she may have the money, but whats the use of it.....if you cant wake up with someone to share it every morning??...to live with the realization hat u will die alone with no one to care abt, no one to care about you. i dont know if i like her any better, but i feel sorry for her, for she misses out on the everyday things, she never married so she has no immediate home(she has a big apartment though!!), the only living relations she has, she doesnt talk to anymore......clearly she has no friends, for if she did, the real kind would have given her a tight slap and have surely stuck around.

its people like this, the high class variety, who make u realise that yes, u may be missing the material stuff in life, u may have to make a couple of cuts here and there but u live and boy isnt it fun!!!!...think ,u have no hassles in having gol gappas at a roadside stall,where the bhayya dunks his entire forearm into the sour sweet water.......u are free of all the wierd inhibitions, if u turn up somewhere and are in the same clothes as someone else, u laugh and its okay.....these people i believe, have a nervous breakdowN!!...i could see it yesterday.....hmm, call me naive and young and all, but i see what i see, i see no reason to suck up to these idiots just coz they have the money, coz in the end, u have something they dont.....a life, ur life!!.one where u can make mistakes, fall down, and those around u will support u.....one where u can make grave mistakes, and still rectify them,one filled with love, love of the people who love u as much as u love them, sometimes even more, people who understand who u are and ur worst fears, people who dont label u chicken coz u cant do sumthing......PEOPLE who hold ur hand while crossing the road!!.

i love my life, i love you!(touchwood)

Friday, October 5, 2007




College….atta…..McDonald’s….great India place….Nirula’s… (People)…..CSM….atta.
A walk to remember……………………………

That’s all I am going to say, so going now, oddly intuitive that Ankur is going to put all these feelings of mine into words……what then??

Cannot say more, afraid that I’ll say too much………u figure out.

Bye

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

to anuj..........


And through it all
he offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call he won't
forsake me
and I'm loving angels instead


HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!........life without u would be impossible, really!.love u lots!

Saturday, September 29, 2007

hulooo!

heyloooo heyloooo

first things first, ankur just started blogging and my god! he's so good!!!!
i know i know, the blog is a little sad, but then when u look closer, he does write beautifully, its an insight into his brain, and i thank god that he started writing for these days we arent getting to talk much, all i get to hear is " accha main sone ja raha hoon" so the blog=great!!!!! akhil(who thinks i should be introduced to ounctuation) also has a blog now, iwould write more about it if he WROTE sumthing on it!!!!
priya will get her laptop soon too, but i am not expecting her to blog anytime soon, unlike us she has brains!love u brainy!!

hmm, wat else............anuj is in europe, has put up lovely pics on orkut, now suddenly i am in the mood to take nice pics too, but people have to around for that, otherwise photos get all lonely lonely, and then wats the point!!......ehem ehem!

so occupying myself these days by reading magazines( do NOT ask why!), i came accross this segment, it was a quiz titled, IS HE RIGHT FOR YOU??, well ladies, if u need to refer to a magazine to figure out whether or not you should be with the guy, then he is definitely NOT for you!!

aur kya...............hmmm SOMETHING is possibly materialising for saturday(touchwood).....lets see.......

really nice friday, green shirt and all.....lotsa people around but its okay i guess.............

it rained yesterday, i had fun............wanted to write lots about the rain, but ankur already did so........

and......................and nuthing..........

main to yahin hoon....:)
tell me sumthing i dont know...

love,
s.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

.............phew!!

oh god! devoting one whole long day just to studies is a difficult task i must say, ya ya i know it sounds bad but still, since not much studying has been going on anyways, so i guess its good only.

so i spoke to C yesterday, and since i already told him, he was bombarding me with all these questions, i dont blame him, he understands what i am thinking so these rapid fires are fun..................he is perhaps one of the people who get why i am the way i am, why i must tell someone everything and why i just cannot stay shut!!, :) well and thats why we are such great friends i think. so since we have these similar tastes and very similar thought processes, this is his take on my perfect guy; C strongly believes that the guy who recognises my NEED for pink shoes will probably be the one..................now did i SAY that was my theory, NO, so do NOT give me that look!

but i do love my shoes!!...........2nd love ;)

Monday, September 24, 2007

i am here,na!

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a relationship, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."


i know u dislike saying things again and again, and then again, why should u say them again when once said lasts a lifetime but then........................life is too short, say what you have to today for we may not have enough time to put into words what we feel, then there'll be too much to regret,and this is not one of those conversations i want to leave unfinished, its going to last...its essence lingering, for i will be here, to listen to u and to be ur witness.

love,
s.

p.s.-50 yrs..................sigh!!

Friday, September 14, 2007

heyy, been sometime na, well although i had lots of things to say didnt know how to put them into words so just let them be since the intelligent people around me affirm that words arent very important always, but i wont learn will i??
so silly old me, back here to bug you with gibberish ji!!

went to air force museum today, hey bhagwan, such a bad trip, totally boring, even the planes didnt seem interesting,so we chucked it all and left,went to dilli haat, had fun, u know i observed sumthing, dilli haat is just one of those places which make you feel all cozy and where u shud definately take someone you feel an intimate connection with, yeah yeah, fancily i am saying its romantic and a place for couples but also that it just feels good, priya and harish satisfied themselves with hyderbadi food....they were just so glad.

ankur(swami) suddenly developed a craving for golgappas(he thinks abt THE QUEEN too much!) so he had three plates of golgappas, and the fruit beer and he was acting all bewada-ish. me and akhil,after roaming around for a while stopped and had rajasthani food,simple stuff, daal baati and all, spicy, just the way it should be.oh yeah, before i forget again, akhil finally got the laptop!....yay!!!!!!!......

things have been going well these days, touchwood, and i hope they become better, i am just so apprehensive all the time about this because i always end up being HEY BEST FRIEND, and thats it, i know people realise how i feel, so u will also realise that sometimes just letting me know how they feel is not enough, there is still a void which i hope they will try and fill, i know it is too much to ask for but i try to do my bit sincerely and hope i get something in return...too straight??......yeah thought so, might even be a little heartless, but main kya karoon, this is the only thing i do best..maybe.....

love
s.

p.s. it feels great, by the way, being someone's SOMEONE....thanku ji!

Monday, September 3, 2007

aankhon aakhon mein...........

C. went back today, back to where he lives, back to the place I cant keep calling him up and bug him all the time, but well I left that about a year ago, but still, he is one of my dearest friends, that’s why I am a little sad about this. Melodrama isn’t really our thing, somehow the complete nuts that we are, things tend to be a little weepy, so hence we cry and say our goodbyes, it is at the airport, when I see him off that he opens up his box of advices, he says since he is elder to me, for once I MUST listen to him, that there will always be boys but I am more important than any of them, that he knows I am wise enough to make my own intelligent decisions but I should just let him know in case I am faced with any such person who hurts me, and it strikes me yet again that he will indeed always be the same caring C. I always knew. He asks me about the important stuff in my life now, he wants to talk about what he already knows and what I haven’t told him yet, I tell him, everything, he says that its going to go places, that he is happy for me, when I give him the look, he says, this is just me, the unsure creature that I am, that things will happen, work out my way. I guess so.

But I am sure I never loved C., not like this at least, nope not even close. We always were on the same wavelength, so we went into something mistaking our feelings for love, I guess we were and will be the friends who tell each other stuff and be mad for no reason.

Hmmm, so what else, we are able to make those ten minutes for each other everyday now, and walk to the gate almost everyday, when we don’t I feel like I didn’t do something very important today, and missed out on incredible moments where time seems to stand still.

Somehow the world seems a little more crowded nowadays, it seems like people are around the corner just when we wish to talk to each other. It feels like those around us know what we are, no, what I am thinking.

Life seems to move sluggishly till 5 in the evening, and don’t know how, once we meet, there’s no stopping time. Well we all have our regrets don’t we?

Akhil and alagappa wale bhayya are redecorating their place, they are sweeties I tell you, but I hope akhil’s mood gets better, even though he’ll never agree that he’s sad. Please, akhil for me, for all of us, be your happy caring nice self again na, please. Priya my lovely is the same, cutie I tell you. Ankur is in a world of his own these days, can’t say more, later, maybe…but be happy always ankur, no matter what.

Will someone please tell those around us with their good intentions to stay a little away from me, or else I am going to go a little crazier than the normal healthy amount of crazy that I am. Oops, sorry…

98 not out, but it feels good to know that still going strong. Someone says that I will make it to 100, so shall I believe you or are you being too nice again??.......umm my unsure self, remember? Can’t help it.

I am reading a book by Manju Kapur right now, kabhi kabhi lagta hai, baaki sab bhi, kitabon ki tarah aasan hota toh?, life seems better those lovely eyes around, sometimes I think that I can read those too, like the books I love, but I am biased, a lot of times I think I see what I want to, sometimes those eyes reflect what my own heart may lack the courage to. We stand at that place almost everyday, now tell me what can I do except laugh when you look at me with all the seriousness in the world and ask me, jaana hai kya??, why will I ever want to leave…………..who would want to leave you? You who are everything, so unassuming and one who is so easy to love, ab kucch bhi mat bol!!

I will be here baba, I am not going anywhere, you are too important for me to let go.

I don’t know if my tiny bit of love has any meaning at all in your life, It is ok if it doesn’t, I know there are many more important people out there, who make you very happy and I only hope that whatever gives you happiness stays with you always. And as for me, I am here, turn to me when there’s anything wrong, I will be here, whenever you need me, I am here and for me that is about it.

Finally Monday, and life is up and running again! But Tuesday is a holiday!!!

See you then (if people allow!!),
Love (which wont go anywhere!!)
Me (if that’s okay!!)

Thursday, August 30, 2007

yes i understand.......maybe not wholly, not so much that i maybe any closer to you but i do understand, a little bit but even so.i think we do mean most of the times what our words imply, not all promises are broken, our words are most important only when they are truly meant, and straight from the heart.

strolling through life, we look for that one person who pays as much attention to you as you to them,not that it never happens or always does, but u know u are lucky if someone remembers that you like roses but not the red ones, and so on.....its strange but this kind of a relationship brings with it a certain sense of satisfaction, someone notices you and that in someway is enough.

i know i ask too many questions and some which make u tink too much, but i never mean to blame you really, its jst that certainity brings with it a security which i am not used to and the idea of ever getting it dont go dowwn well with me so i end up restless, more so than usual. i am sorry. i know its too complex, thats why i dont read my posts twice( DONT give me that" woh toh dikhta hai" look!!)

all i know is that i love you and thats it, jo hoga so hoga, par yeh ho gaya.

so react ok!

S.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

...........................

i do not know what it is about you that closes and opens, only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses. Your eyes have their silence, in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, or which i cannot touch because they are too near.

i carry your heart with me, i carry it in my heart.

...................... understand?? tell me tommorow... :)

love,
S.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

losing all and still.........

"The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.


Lose something every day.Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it make look like (Write it!) a disaster."


you lose, you accept, you move on.
and gaining............................................i wouldnt knw.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

FINALLY went to that pizza hut thing…………….great fun, perhaps a tad too expensive, but worth the effort!

I had this incredible pasta, people refused to taste it but I maintain that it was great….actually I have never been the sort, u don’t like it so I don’t either, and I do not believe it is egoistic or anything….see, if your boyfriend wanted you to be sati savitri he would rather have gone for a bal vivaah, even in my last relationship ( which was a long long time ago), I wasn’t majorly different, and I do hear that I was quite easy and fun to be with, I mean just because I didn’t call him every two hours with a , “jaaaaaaaanu!!! Where are youuuuuu!!” is what made that relationship work. I guess even those who do these things might have a reason, maybe they are just insecure……but you know if you expect a relationship to work, you have to base it on more than just attraction, if you want an arm candy, go ahead, but if there’s even an ounce of possible commitment involved then, baby, u got to put in the effort, that would be much better than going around for a week or two only to look away when faced with that person anywhere. When I stop seeing someone, I want to remember that time I spent with him as a wonderful rendezvous, even if short but meaningful, it’s better to be friends afterwards than to ask yourself, “I was dating THIS??!!!” well yeah, so I was saying (or was going to), anyways, I went out on Sunday with C., for his birthday treat, great Italian food, well and a little more, it was nice, we’ve always connected anyways na, so we can waise bhi pick from wherever it is that we left off, I finally got a chance to wear that black dress I had borrowed, so either way I don’t dress up too often so it felt nice, but didn’t wear the contacts, on special request, since people take pleasure in referring to me as CHASHMISH!!............ this is what we had once fought about, long ago, I would get angry and he’d say he liked me better with glasses ……weird relationship I tell you. It takes time to build something like that, where people look beyond what you look like and like the way they feel around you and that’s what counts…….hmmm I know and I am trying.

Monday, August 20, 2007

..............filmy

lal mere dil ka haal hai,
lagta tumpe kamaal hai,
yeh khat nahi sawaal hai,
kya subhash ghai ki picture taal hai??

okay okay sry sry. i am really very bored!!!
but i maintain my stand abt the RED!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

The laws

Laws of Love, Which lay down who is to be loved by whom, and how much. Actually, it isn’t a law, a theorem, because those have some basis. It is an axiom. No reason, no argument, just that it is.

at this point the question is does reciprocity make the difference it is vouched to make? i dont know, i like someone who doesnt, while someone else likes me and i dont seem to, so life is this complex mess........u get what u deserve in life...maybe thats why u arent here.

Friday, August 17, 2007

u are bad!!!

Hmm so the question of the day is:

What is your man?


My man, I am proud to say, is intelligent and very thoughtful; although he is super smart he is one of the most caring individuals I have come across. So lets see now, I think( and know), that he is very cute and very sweet, I think of him when I read somewhere, “ Handsome is as handsome does!!”, so now you know who “Mr. Handsome” is. So taking inspiration from Linda Goodman, I can safely say that, jumping around and partying is not what you’d expect him to be doing; if you haven’t met him and are looking for him, just for the info, look in the corner, he is the cute smiley guy, in the green shirt who speaks to you when spoken to, so you walk up to him, and say hello, don’t expect him to give you a bear hug, he wont be overly friendly, but just the optimum amount, just as he does things. Now, don’t assume that he is one of those snobbish, cold people who think you aren’t good enough for him, it’s not that. It’s true that he takes his time to open up but that doesn’t mean he won’t be nice to you, once you give him time, he’ll be one of the most concerned people you know, who scold you for not taking care of yourself when ill. Once you know him a little bit, it’ll be clear that yes this guy can keep to himself and not always be ha-ha-hee-hee, but he can also be great company, one of those who crack you up with silly jokes and hilarious “jelly-belly” impressions. I give him a lot of nicknames, on and off, for no reason whatsoever, and am very pleased to find that now I get a lalloo in return sometimes. He is the good boy who brings lunch from home and dutifully finishes it, he likes bhindi (which seems unnatural to me since I can only possibly eat the vegetable for survival sake), he doesn’t like reading books but will read if you bug him enough (ha ha, I succeeded!), he can’t imagine life without his family, he’ll call you back or meet you if he has said he will (pakka promise!!), although his hair is giving him trouble these days, I like it this way too. Oh yeah, if you say to him that he is bad, he’ll look at you intensely and ask you why, so be careful cause when he gives you that look !

By the way he is not all these things to me because I like him,
But I like him because he is all this (minus the bhindi!)

So I know that I could have kept all this to myself, not have said anything, but then nothing would have changed then too, so doesn’t make a difference, what I say, since I say SO much!!

So hope you get “MY OPINION” now,

Ehem, ankur, do not give me that look, love u very much and that won’t change, ever.

So there, enough for today, hope people get well soon enough cause it’s hard to function without optimum amounts of vitamin D.
No college on Monday, so nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!!!

Hum Rajput hote hain,
Par kucch log hamesha sote hain.

Get well soon.

- hum!!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

today........eeeeeeeeeee!

bad bad day today, the only good part was the paneer roll i had at the end of the day and even that is wearing off now, i know how the drunk people might feel when the DARU wears off.
BAD!!!!!

so since people are ill and not showing up,i feel ewww!~

bored of classes,
i made a list today:

dont deny, its true:

Why he doesnt/ cant like me:

1. i talk too much

2. i dont exactly look like Ms.WORLD !!

3. i call him sadu in public

4. i am a blunt person and he is a diplomat

5. i like him and i make it too clear.

6. i tell him when i dont like his shirt.

7. on 14.8.07, i made him wait for 2 hours and didnt even say sorry.

8. i call him kanjoos in spite of the fact that its not true.

9. i am not the typical girl.

10. i hate weekends coz i cant see him and that makes me obssesive compulsive, i guess, and people dont date people who are psychos.

11. i dont get jealous easily.

12. i like him, perhaps a lil too much for my own good!!

see, i told u so!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

independence!!

hullo hullo

so update, my cough and cold still persist....and looks like other people are catching up with me too, so i can only hope that i pass on the LOVE too......eee i am bad, i wish EVERYbody gets better real soon, and as for me, i am hopeless and hence cannot be expectd to change in any way....

so HAPPY independence!!!!!!! ehem, dont give me that expression and dont look too happy, i am here only!!

had a nice start to the week, i have the sweetest frends i tell you,

akhil - puts up with me no matter what, listens to my banter and still stays with me in spite of the fact that almost the whole of atta believes him to be my DUKHIYARA PATI

harish - one of the most intelligent people i know, and still hangs out with me.......do i need to say more??...well i personally think he SHOULD have his own talk show, he's the best OPRAH!!

Priya - the coolest girl in AMITY, no no in the whole of NCR!!....................we have the best
discussions ranging from men in uniform to complex trigonometry.....the latter seems to last a much shorter time.....she understands the chaddi man thing, and although he's waiter-ly now, that he is EVER CUTE!

Ankur – hmmm, lets me boss him around, listens to me with patience, often gets dragged to E2 but tries his best to hide his disapproval.

Ishan – even though I keep bombarding him with weird pet names, and badgering him with new shirt requests every day, he still hangs around and lets me be ME, everything according to him is MY OPINION….uffff……more about that LATER!!

So love all of u people verry much!!

So back to college tomorrow,
Time to be melodramatic again, as people put it.
For now, the blue sms light on my mobile is blinking again,
And the world’s a better place again!

Cough cough,
Catch u later then,
Ciao,
Adieu (yup, French is on!!)
S.

Monday, August 13, 2007

VOICES.............

voices in my head,
chanting, 'kisses, bread.
prove yourself. fight. shove,
learn. earn. look for love,'

drown a lesser voice,
silent now of choice:
'breathe in peace, and be
still, for once, like me.'

Friday, August 10, 2007

cough, cold and LOVE!!

hello

well today was hectic, not feeling very well,: ( …..i mean mentally great but physically, bad.

After my last post which was about you knw the usual stuff, had a little talk with ankur, ankur is perhaps the only person who gives me realistic feedbacks on my posts, however bad or good they might be. Yeah, about my last post, Ankur feels that it was possibly a little too prominent, hmmm, to put my feelings out on the table and all, well I guess that’s where me and ankur differ, we might be thinking the same thing, at the same time, but we have completely different perspectives, I know I know that when you like someone, let the eyes speak and all, and this is my take on it, I like him, my feelings are at stake, if I want something, I NEED to make the effort na , for me to understand someone better and vice versa, conversing is my only option. That’s what happens I guess when for the longest time you want people to understand you, and they cease to, because you didn’t say anything, then in that case, those who do GET you, become so important to you that all you are afraid of is to lose those very people, I don’t know but this is the only way I learnt to connect, ever.

Hmmm, waise come to think of it, eyes do speak, very much, actually the past two days, eyes are all that I have STUDIED, that’s it!! To look into those eyes, even for a second is ………………… no comments. I don’t know about my eyes, although someone did point out once that I my eyes were well..different…too brown and all, so I suppose that meant something nice, but those eyes are a completely different story.

So as above mentioned, very ill, Akhil asked me what happened to me, and I said,” cough, cold and LOVE.” Ehem, yeah apparently the above mentioned do NOT affect my sense of humor (if any!). I was at the gate today when I was beckoned to the café, and I went, yeah yeah, I DITCHED my friends and went!......but I went, don’t give me dirty looks please, I know it was wrong, but then its like chocolate, it might not be good for u, but its sooooo good. and it was also crazy that I covered the distance again(gate to d block), but then this isn’t really the first time, I distinctly remember that one Monday morning, after having climbed 8 sets of stairs to get to the 4th floor, only to spot someone and go back down to climb the 4th floor again…. DO not give me THAT look.

Harish is haiku-ing about me now, he’s good.

Yeah so back to now, I enter the house and kishore kumar’s sweet voice asks me, “kya yehi pyaar hai?” ya like I would know!! Then he answers himself, “ haan yehi pyaar hai!”, and my opinion doesn’t matter to kishore da very much, but since it fits my situation, he adds a quick:

“ dil tere bin kahin lagta nahin,
waqt guzarta nahi!!”

so ok I know I am getting THAT look from ankur, but its me yaar, not your typical girl now am I?, I cannot sharma-o and all, be practical life is too short to waste cribbing and waiting, if you want someone, get off your behind and do something.

Prakhar has gone to far-far chandigarh, I miss you bhaiyya!.

So here I am, struggling a stupid cold, besides other things, waiting for Monday…. Banking on Kishore Kumar for comfort, and now he picks another one, that fits the bill, so thankyou all the people who are all around me, caring and not stopping ever!
Also kishore da thanx a ton,

And YOU,

“suno naa”

love,
me,
the same old, chup chup me. He he.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

thinking...

Hey you.

Had a nice red t-shirt discussion with SOMEONE, he says red wont suit him, I beg to differ but I guess that’s just me, but I really do think red would go great with the personality.

NANO gang is back to college, and life’s great again!!………………………plus side of everything E1 and E2 are connected, yay!

There are people around me who think that I am possibly chasing dream which is near Impossible, and although they do this bcoz they care for me and are great frends, I do not think I will stop, the point here being that “no dreams are greater than those which come true!!”, so here I am and this is my dream and I so hope that it comes true, I hope so.

And yeah, remember, A PASSION THAT DOESN’T CONSUME IS HARDLY WORTH HAVING!

There’s a lot to say, but don’t know how, so now I’ll just leave u with this,
When do I think of you: -

1.When I see someone wearing “your” green.

2.When someone calls me after they say they would, that’s so you!

3.When I hear Bryan Adams.

4.Every time my phone rings.

5.When someone calls my frantic timetable writing habit, SINCERE.

6.RAHUL DRAVID…. need I say more??

7.When my friends tell me to stop grinning like an idiot (yes, I am an idiot too!)

8.ALWAYS.

But do you realize that the most we say to each other always is either a sorry or a thank you?

Very weird, must say.

So that’s it for now,

Will come back later,

Lalloo (the new name I acquired)

Monday, August 6, 2007

confused.. . .

as people tend to put it, i am big time dazed and confused, whereever i am, no matter what i am doing, i am confused as hell. actually what i AM confused about is people, not my feelings towards them, but people, those who dont seem to be what they are or cover up their sweet nice selves just bcoz others expect them to.

but every now and then, u meet a bunch of people who form a connection with you that there is no need to pretend, no requirement to be pretentious for you are liked and loved for just being YOU.

"thats basically it, no need to say stuff coz the other person gets what u might say if u wud at all, its ok to speak for hours at lenght on the phone and still have more to say but in person struggle to find ur words, all cz its okay.

coz u can wear ur green shirt, and i can be happy thinking its for me, whatever the truth might be.when i fondly narrate this to those around me, they give me a look, one that seems to say "its great that u are happy, but u do know that he's just trying to make u happy, it may as well be charity!", and then u flash into my mind, and i know that my friend would never do that to me.
for whatever the reason may be, i see in ur eyes the hope that i look forward to every morning, in the bus, in class....i know its just me, but it works so i go along with it. and yeah, THAT look is definitely worth bunking a couple of classes for.sometimes i think that if i just sit there, not having to look away, effortlessly surveying your face, i wudnt mind blending into the surroundings, to not be noticed anymore... "



MISTAKEN
I smiled at you because I thought that
you
Were someone else; you smiled back;
and there grew
Between two strangers in a library
Something that seemed like love; but you
loved me
(If that's the word) because you thought
that I
Was other than I was. And by and by
We found we'd been mistaken all the
while
From that first glance, that first mistaken
smile.

Friday, August 3, 2007

happy days r here again!

Hello, hello.

Hmmm….. now now I have been verrry busy indeed,
Well busy and kind of happy, ehem, two things do that to me, among others,
No.1 ehem ehem……….. u know who (not voldemort!!) and No.2 SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!!

He he , well shopped with akhil and harish on Thursday, they moved into a new PG and had to shop for home stuff, bed linen and all…….well not that I enjoy that kind of shopping very much, but the guys I tell you, are INCAPABLE of it….seriously, ok its like this, akhil = no bargain whatsoever!!.....we went to this shop to buy bed sheets, so there we are looking for single bed sheets and pillow covers, and every bed sheet I pick out, Harish rejects ( “ VERRRY GIRLY!!”, ehem , “NO COMMENTS” if Akhil picks out white ones with little pink flowers!! ), so they zero in on a brown bed sheet (“ew ew”) and the shopkeeper proclaims Rs.225, and I give him a dirty look, then he asks us how much we are willing to pay, I turn to akhil, and Akhil, the great, says, “ hum 200 se ek rupya zyada nahin deinge!!”, ehem ehem, get it now??

So we finally did that, threatened a few street vendors and bought a lot of stuff!! , harish bought beautiful black and white pillow covers, but sadly we couldn’t find a matching bed sheet and Harish bought a cacti print sheet, NO COMMENT…. But he was so bored at the end of it that I don’t blame him.

So today, went and bought my books from Delta, then mum wanted me to go to Sarojini , for something, begged Akhil to go along and he said yes, so went and did mummy ka kaam, Akhil wanted to buy some t-shirts, so went from shop to shop, so at the end of it he bought 3 weird band-wali t-shirts,(after a lot of fighting I tell u), and I MADE him buy a red polo t-shirt, hmmm, poor guy I blackmailed him, so successfully gave akhil a makeover, you see we were( actually I was), going for the CHADDI MAN look(not literally)….so thankyou CM for being our/my inspiration, hmm, then went and hastily bought the chappals I’ve been eyeing for a couple of months now, YAY!!, plus bought a bag that’s the in thing at Amity nowadays… feels good. Good fun. Couldn’t buy a belt par bacchu there are going to be more trips!! Also PEOPLE tell me now that I am a “cofidAnt shopper” and how much they hate shopping, well the reason I like shopping is because I can boss around and then people listen to me, he he, but if u try it its fun!!

Hmm about feeling good, my goodness factor comes back on Monday!! , so I hope its good for SOMEONE too, and yeah that’ll make college better!!

Its been raining for 2 days now, and the Amity basement is waterlogged, so everyday we “swim” to the aero lab, and today was tonnes of fun, felt like a beach…nice.

Rains are great, its great to leave home every morning, to float among a sea of umbrellas to get to wherever it is that you are headed to, to spot someone under one such umbrella, someone who looks like someone who if it were them, would have given you a lot of happiness, but I guess the thought does too. For two days now this same thing has happened to me, and I like it really.. In the bus, in the rickshaw, I spot people all of sudden and get too happy, but then I strikes me NO it couldn’t be, and it isn’t, but it feels good.

I know I know, gone crazy.
So catch ya later, alligator!

S.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

sunshine all over.

Hey you.

Well yeah it’s been some time since I met u now, na??
Well things are going okay here, not too bad, there are certainly some bright spots, and sunshine revisits often!!

College is nice, akhil, me, harish and priya hang together all the time, but since we are nice, SANE people, we don’t label ourselves “Da gang” or put up pictures on orkut reading “Me and MA frenz in DA INSTI”…….eeeeeeesh!

You know, I cant point it out but classes are very dull now, subjects maybe, but since there’s aero, its got to be nice yaar, but its not working, maybe it’s the absence of nano people, I miss them a lot….u don’t know how much.

These days ankur and me try to keep each other company, he misses Richa while I yearn to be with the nano log, it works out for us, suddenly in a boring class one day, Ankur and me were...well…bored….and then since we were discussing our NOT-SO-GOOD love lives, and owing to the fact that our prospective partners do not seem to reciprocate our feelings, we decided to run away and get married, but then running away was too much effort, so we thought lets get married in class, no rings?, exchange watches, and then, by god, we fought like crazy, “tum yeh nahi karte, tum who nahi karte……..”, “sedhe ghar aana”… so I know its rubbish but keeps me and ankur occupied in fluid mech classes, and priya plays tie-breaker!!

FINALLY, akhil gave his treat, and all of us went to this place, had lots of fun, literally burnt a HOLE in his pocket, and can’t write more on that.

Monday was the best, nothing much said, nothing much heard but it was great, the whole morning was spent grinning like an idiot, in the Electronics lab, Harish asked for a pair of vernier calipers to measure my smile (yes we ARE a bunch of geeks and proud of it!!) and then PEOPLE come and tell me, “tu badi depressed hai!!”, ehem well saying goodbye isn’t my favorite thing you know!! But yes, thanks for Monday, SOMEBODY :)

Phew, what else??
Ummm……… I took French for foreign language; the class seemed like a bloody fish market, must say that our class is much better than these hooligans.
Speaking of foreign language….. Learnt the essential, “take off your shirt” in Spanish. Something’s are priceless in life…I tell you.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

modest proposal...

As you've asked for black and white,
May I send these lines to you
In the tacit hope you might
Take my type at least as true

Let this distance disappear
And our hearts approach from far
Till we come to be as near
As acrostically we are.

Now thats how it was to be, i hope it was all this, i know u dont function like the others around you, and thats what makes you, YOU.........you dont play games, your feelings are genuine, maybe not towards me, but they are, and thats commendable, i still continue to hope and pray but i love you even more just because u are still there...

now i know, you may think that i am just be in a phase and this will pass, but thats not me and its impossible to know you and let the love slide by, untouched, unnoticed....just because people dont tell you that often and fondly, doesnt mean its not true, my words might hardly mean anything to you, you'll never admit to it, but still, i dont wish to flatter, but i speak of what i see clearly, and i dont know how anyone could miss that,how you could not see what i see.

i could sit here and crib all i want how you never say anything definitive, how its still in the grey area, but i would be a fool to let all that become obstacles in the moments i spend with u now, its great this way too actually, atleast that we are able to state clearly what we think, i do not know where this will go, but i do know that i wish for it to be the same if not more.

i know i am crazy silly but u put up with it.you always sit there patiently listening and listening, in ur silence, which although i mock and dont understand at times, states clearly that theres more to emotions than just voicing them, somethings just have to be understood or better yet, left as they are, that people matter, sumtimes more than situations, u teach me never to judge people, u be the same simple you and get ur point across,just as simply.

most of all u care, i know u dont admit tht either but thats how it is.

now read and re-read these lines please, which happen to be depicting my life NOW.......and know why i feel what i feel.

NO, its not my wish or my opinion, i want u to react, tell me what u think, clearly, bluntly for once. My problem na…..

I may be imposing, i guess I am, but I long to hear what u think, for It is important to me, and for a change say na. for you are not my dream, but my reality.

- S.

Motor ONN hai kya??

hey ppl...............
well those around me knw that THAT title is NOT that wierd(maybe!!) well this is the tragedy i tell u but i must now chalk down a list of all the cute guys around me, its necessary:

1. The Chaddi Man(ehem.....cant write his real name here, thats not as cute as him)- hes cute even when hes stupid, which is quite often these days, ask priya!!

2. Robin, the Motor man- he's my neighbour and hes OH MY GOD CUTE, as long as u are just looking at him, i mean hes all intelligent looking and if god forbids he speaks its usually, MOTOR ONN HAI KYA??..................(no i havent forgotten the spelling of ON).......but hes sooooo cute!!

3. Prakhar- well not the same kinda cute as the above two but his actions make him cute, but about that later.

4. ankur, his pari is his WORRY(and vice versa!!)..........ankur is no doubt verry sweet and thats makes him cute.

and surprisingly that's it, no wonder i have NO love life!!!!
well yeah i havent put HIM in this list coz hes ALWAYS cute, not just now, that, and a lotta other things, but i can go ONN AND ONN AND ONN na?

well now lets see, yesterday in class sumthing wierd happened that left me and pri in fits of laughter!!!

lets see now, we are attending fluid mech tut and PRINCE OF ALIGARH, mr.tamasha himself is seated on my left, then while sir has his back to us, so tamasha ji,i notice has fixed his gaze on my shoes( yep the new ones) and is smiling to himself, and then he notices me looking and says,(in his usual tone), " joote bade acche hain", oh and thats what was sooooo amusing to pri, but i genuinely think deepak is a very nice guy, and he can be very sweet when he wants to be, but every now and then he changes his mind and becomes the tamasha type again, cant help it can u?

what else, we attended the solid mech lab without THE pandey, and he seemed distraught at that, bouncing a quick "Dhoka de diya" to me and priya, but then again, he was the one who said,before the class, "apun ka ho gaya!!"...........so......... well still and since hes the new CR and all............lets see where this goes!!

hmmm aur kya, nuthing much, went out for a bit today,
astro says "someone i have been thinking about a lot will call me today",
ehem ehem, ab kya kahein!!
kucch toh kar nalayak, as Bhasin sir would put it,
love u seriously,and very much!!

the same me.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

love, actually??

hmm, th above mentioned subject need not always be associated with happiness, like everythin else, love too comes with strings attached, to get to the happily ever after, if any......even if u r sad, its a part of that feeling, when we are sad we forget all the gud times we've had courtesy the same love, love gives u the butterflies, which make it all worth the effort, the meloncholy is a part of it, makes u realise how important the person really is...... i know i know when u cry ur eyes out for that someone, but then a simple message, a small smile, a wink, a call or even THE green shirt, bring home the realization that it makes it all fruitful.love stays the same, u do not stop loving someone, circumstances do not change the love, do not diminish it, u may be with someone else, whatever the reason may be, but the love still makes u light up when He walks into the room.....so next time i am sad abt my ..ehem.. life...........i'll read this post and i guess it'll make me feel ok.

till then, hearing a certain healthy amount of miles davis, a habit i procured from repeatedly watching runaway bride, and yeah talking abt that, this is another fav, enjoy:-


" Dont deny me, this pain i am going through,
Please Forgive me, i NEED you like i do "


-S.

Monday, July 23, 2007

first day....again!!

hey college started today, i cant believe its been an year since i started at AMITY, i like it now and pakka wudnt trade it in for anything, but got to say since its been an year, coll is not the same without a certain people around even if its for day, or in some cases much longer!!.. ......priya wasnt there, missed her, and although i knew HE wasnt coming, for some odd reason fixed my gaze on the door, quite expectantly, GOD!! but its gonna be hard to get used to, trust me.
looking forward to everything!!

Sunday, July 22, 2007

!!!

Delhi to Nagpur,
is 1012 kms, according to google, but i say its gotta be more!!

come soon!

Friday, July 20, 2007

2 more days........


2 more days and college!!!

going to miss the nano sambar kutri gang the most!!


saw one of my favourite movies yesterday......i believe everyone should watch it once atleast!!



well so rahul khanna + nandita das+ great story + history.............AAMIR KHAN................it doesnt take much to make one happy now does it......plus shopping today!!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

hullo

i saw parts of annie hall today, although at times i dont understand woody allen, but i sure do prefer him to the mindless crap people watch nowadays(sumtimes i do too)..... and then theres this line in the movie,which i definitely do understand....

"Even as a kid, I always went for the wrong women. I feel that's my problem. When my mother took me to see Snow White, everyone fell in love with Snow White. I immediately fell for the wicked queen."

love it absolutely, and even more if u get it.

u knw sumtimes i think, people should build that wall around themselves and never let it crumble, that way atleast u wont lose track of ur goal(if any)......maybe.dont know, maybe i should too, just focus on earning money and all, work my ass off, put emotions aside, maybe it'll help na? that'll be a good life too.

S.

P.s.-anuj, no i am not trying to get u to call me, nothing is wrong with me. lots of love!! :)
मधुर प्रतीक्षा ही जब इतनी, प्रिय तुम आते तब क्या होता?

Monday, July 16, 2007

on my mind....

"Can miles truly separate you from friends...
If you want to be with someone you love,
aren't you already there? "

Saturday, July 14, 2007

mera number aa gaya!!!

Shopping, yes the proper kind!!!!

went to westside and the great india place, couldnt believe it but bought the most adorable pair of flats, pink and polka dots, little white bow, very converse like, but in short AMAZING!!!
also bought a new green kurti but thats secondary, the shoes are my first love, mom got a yellow kurta, says i can borrow it too, but i dont see that happening in the near future...:) .......... i also went to the Om book shop and finally bought TO KILL A MOCKING BIRD, to break the danielle steel spell, i guess its going to be good, certainly hope it saves me from boredom for the next couple of days.....i finished THE LONG ROAD HOME, danielle steel, it wasnt bad, not pathbreaking or anything, just that i realize that there is a certain set pattern in all steel's books, the ones i have read so far seem to be awfully predictable.well yeah, so moving on, i enquired the price of a bookmark at the book shop today and was outraged when the guy quoted Rs.95 for a fancy piece of cardboard, i guess till i find a reasonably priced one, i am going to use my nani's prescription only, keeps it handy.

i would type more, theres much more to say, since i almost completely left out the usual mundane things i write about, but veerrry tired today, headche and all, so hope u had a great day too....bbye!!

:)
swats

Friday, July 13, 2007

by god ki kasam!!

I miss samarth yaar, terribly!!!............. :(
well its hard to not miss someone you have known since u were 2 yrs old, anyways...Sam’s always been around, so much so that I have always taken him for granted, now that he's in far Bangalore, I truly miss him, I mean I always yell at him when we are on the phone coz he’s always discussing cigarettes with some buddy of his, when I am on the line, I mean come on, u call me SUTTA aright but is that really necessary??, its ironical, I mean we cant call each other often now, he has his exams and stuff and I have mine too, and there were days in school when he used to call me sooo frequently, that sometimes I used to ditch his calls, since we never had anything to talk about but we'd still be on the phone, for hours constantly taking turns repeating the same "aur bata" line, and it would seem useless and take forever.....he'd never ever put the phone down, I’d always say samarth mujhe jana hai,and he'd say KYUN, then it wud become a conversation between deaf men, then I’d yell and put the phone down. I remember when we'd gone to a badminton camp in the summer hols from school once, and when the man in charge asked for our addresses, we took turns reciting each others, instead of our own. we were goofy as kids but we got along well together, I actually have difficulty remembering any fights we had as kids, maybe it was because we knew each other long enough hence we understood how our minds worked, and that we were equally crazy, so the company was great. I always complained that he forgot stuff, didn’t pay attention, but the truth is, that yes, Sam forgets birthdays, he doesn’t wish, he doesn’t usually bring presents (he bought me a FA deodorant once on my bday and later said that since it was a Tuesday and only the chemists were open!!!) but at the end of the day he cares, he remembers me and my feelings and that for me is enough. We may not be helpful to each other all the time, our ideas may clash, he may be checking out some girl while I may be discussing an issue (or vice versa, not girl GUY!!) but we are always there for each other, and that’s enough I guess, I hope I get to a stage where I can tell people that I have known Sam for 50 yrs and more, when we are little old people, with grandkids and dentures who criticize everything and say “those were the days” we still have each other to call best friends and turn to when the YOUNG PEOPLE don’t get us, hope we always be the same, hopeless US, who refuse to change and who refuse to listen, who just chat all along, about everything and anything, who understand each others insecurities, who don’t have to say stuff to mean it, who fight over eternal rubbish and know it!, who feel awkward to hug but still know how close they really are………. U be the same Sam, who’s never great with emotions and I’d be the same Swati, the one with the fountain ponies and the world will still be beautiful.


So come back soon and slide back quietly into my life again,
I’ll wait for those calls, so I can proudly proclaim to everyone my best friend’s back!
By-god-courier-services, I miss u!!

Lots of love,
Sutti...

Thursday, July 12, 2007

........

u know sometimes i think i am all wrong abt this, my theory of how i should live my life, maybe i shouldnt have all these people around me, nope, i shouldnt, i am gonna run away one of these days, i'd like to, but i knw i am incapable of that too.i am a dumb person, i was a dumb kid, labelled stupid, and not surprised by it, just for the simple reason that i laughed when i shouldnt, i spoke when i wasnt needed to, i cried when it wasnt allowed, but i did take instructions well, which has always been construed of a lack of having a mind of my own, hence tagging me a follower than a leader, i was/am never intelligent enough, never polite enough, never responsible enough, not spirited, not gifted, lacking confidence(forget why??, thats not important)...just never enough, to satisfy those around me, to live upto their expectations, its not their fault u see, i dont learn so i am still the same, plus i am selfish enough to want what i want and expect generously from the others, i am far more stupid than people think i am just for the fact that i refuse, point blank refuse to take into account that people just dont care........well i wish i wouldnt either.
also as visible, i mope a lot, which is the cherry on the cake.


no wonder........................

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

hum aa gaye!!

hullo....

well missed u a little bit, was infact looking for something substantial to write about, so now that I don’t have anything I am just going to go back to the usual. So let’s see, although in the past few days my life hasn’t changed drastically or anything, but these days were certainly fun.

Well, u know those times when you are feeling completely low, are moping around the house hating yourself, and then voila, some people come along and u are all better?..... well that’s what Anuj always does, and I completely Love him for it, I know there are times when we don’t talk for months but then talking to him makes it all better, its great, just coz he gets me, I don’t have to give unnecessary explanations, justifications et al, well and just coz we can laugh about any given thing but can be very serious too, mind it. Neha D. still believes that I LURRRRRVE Anuj, maybe just coz she does, well I do just not like THAT, yes life’s hard without him but still I am the only gal who knows him and isn’t head over heels in love with him……RECORD!!! Still love u love u love u ANUJ!!!

Hmm, that’s what friends do………

C. called on Friday, to let me know that he’s in town, I was just sad that since ammaji isn’t well, I couldn’t go and see him, but then I knew he would understand, he always does. Then on Saturday morning , at around 11 he called again, this time just to tease me I guess, he was in Pandara road, so told me that he planned to have lunch in Ichiban, well its this great Chinese place which we used to frequent back when we were together, it always brought back memories of that shared bowl of noodle soup on his birthday about 3 yrs ago, but that seems like long ago, I wanted to see him again, he was always great company and then he went back where he came from. So he was being his usual self, then I kept the line, moped around since I was looking at a lonely crappy Saturday.
An hour passed and then the bell rang, I went and opened the door, to find C. smiling at me with his hands full of Chinese take out, a DVD and a couple of toblerones(yup, the white ones!!!) …..gosh, he’s so cute, well so it looks like we were going to have our picnic indoors for a change. So we settled down and saw Metro, nice movie, must say, should have seen it in the theatre, I mean it one of those rare sane movies, its not as hard hitting as rang de basanti but the humor is good and its meaningful, good songs and great actors, I just did not get what someone like Kangana Ranaut was doing with the likes of Konkana sen and Irrfan Khan. Oh yeah, and I thought konkana and irfan were the best couple in the movie, silly but sweet, and they end together so great. Haan, coming back to C., well its almost been ages since I met him, 2 yrs I guess, but that’s the beauty of it, we can still start talking from where we left off, he told me that he saw someone but it didn’t work out and about college and so on, he says I haven’t changed at all, and he still laughs about the fact that I refuse to share my white chocolates with him, he says I am still crazy and the only thing that has possibly changed is that I have opened my mind and now I at least read things other that Sidney Sheldon and Vikram Seth, well I told him that’s not happening as I have no intentions whatsoever to read those Danielle Steel’s he saw on my table, NOPE none!! Waise come to think of it, C. hasn’t changed that much either, he just looks a little older to me now, more mature, professor-ly, but still majorly the same, sweet C. He says that sometimes, he does think of me, it makes him feel nice, well those days were nice but its great even this way, He still maintains A. is an ass, and good I got past him. So went to drop him to the bus stop, I felt bad he was leaving, I am not good at goodbye’s anyways, I make a big deal of it, so we shared a coffee ice cream and he left, hope he comes back soon. Walked back home, thinking of some good times, how he’d never have samosas with me coz I would always leave him with the potato part and how he could never be on time, I am sure he still gets hell over that!, how whenever we went to ichiban he always gave up and had my choice of soup, tomato mostly, over his cream of mushroom… also how we always made a fuss whenever it rained and the occasional drizzle was long awaited for, that trip to Agra where he munched down 3 pethas in a row, eeeew,and the one thing he always laughs about and never lets me forget, that little puppy we had spotted once,all creamy white with spots patches of black and how when it came to naming him, i chose hariprasad, well in my defense it seemed to fit and the pup liked it!!..... but that was then……. I am here, now.

Well all in all fun, nostalgic, but great.

till next time,

S.

P.s.-since the hols arent over yet, i keep thinking that the past two days were saturday and sunday, so i have to look up when the above mentioned happened....;)

Saturday, July 7, 2007

that's amore.......

Hello hello ……..

I went out today, by the time I got back home, it had begun to rain, well so theres a bahaana to go all CHHAP CHHAP, he he, great weather, feels great!!

You know, there are times when amidst a casual conversation something big strikes you, an idea or just this realization, well today happened to be one of those days, and this conversation with him today was one of those conversations, so what I definitely don’t have is PATIENCE, zilch!!, none at all.

So you know what, sometimes it makes me feel like I am not going anywhere with this, well maybe true, but then again, I like it the way it is, he’s my choice, well I may not be his but its worth the effort just to know that……….aaah forget it.

Maybe I should let love be love, not necessarily give it a name….its difficult, but maybe that’s how it should be.

So went out and still bought no books, shame on me, as a punishment more Danielle Steel ,
:

So “people” should blog more, so that I get a reprieve from Ms.Steel. Thank you ji.



Time is the enemy of love,
The thief that shortens
All our golden hours
I have never understood then
Why lovers count their happiness
In days and months and years
While our Love can only be measured
In our joys and sighs and tears.

S.

Friday, July 6, 2007

Shopping

yeah yeah dont get too excited, i got up all jumpy too, so this is wat happens everyday at my place , mum tries to wake me up, i shut out her voice using the nice cushions, then she shouts, then i am reluctantly dragged out of bed and so on.....................
today to wake me up she tries this new trick,"get up, shopping today!!" and voila i am up, just like that and i obediently make my bed and in ten minutes i am all scrubbed clean down at the breakfast table and THEN, then i find out that the above mentioned "shopping" ACTUALLY refers to sum grocery shopping, eeeeeeeew!!

well so after going to the market, and after half an hour of "do kilo aloo for Rs.10, GASP!!" and lotsa arguing, i'm back, theres karela for lunch, and possibly sumthing similar for dinner..........there is no justice in this world i tell u!!!

due to extreme boredom, picked up a copy of femina, read the astro part and was appauled,

" get the present guy completely out of ur system before moving on to the next guy! u go gurl!!"

ehem, is that all femina thinks gals do?so there, thats why i DONT, as a rule, DONT buy femina.If this is Femina then i dread to think abt its supplement Femina Gurl...

chalo ok,
gonna go now,
toodles,
S.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

finally

so finally SUMONE is gonna start blogging, i am looking forward to THAT, sunshine!!


Today's fortune:
Stop searching forever, happiness is just next to you

well, i am here, so............

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

aloha.......

hey heyyyyyyyyy

so after all those days of irking ishan with "HEY BABY" turns out theres actually a movie called hey baby and its got vidya balan in it, so he wont get THAT irritated after all. :P
hmmm, what else, it seems a lil wierd u knw, that sumone likes me, well just looks like i am more used to ppl looking into my eyes, holding my hand and saying, HER NAME IS.................. he he, looks like a role reversal, but i'll try to be nice.

as of now, no new book, re reading a couple of old sheldons, nice,also lots of music, bryan adams mainly, a couple of movie songs here and there, awfully fond of a few bits so they keep running again and again. my sister thinks i have gone MAD,that i keep listening to Please forgive me again and again!!

so nuthing more to say now, looking forward to sumthing, dont knw wat but hope rtheres SUNSHINE and lots of it!!


Let me now sleep, let me not think, let me
Not ache with inconsistent tenderness
It was untenable delight; we are free--
Separate, equal--and if loverless,
Love consumes time which is more dear than love,
More unreplicable. With everything
Thus posited, the choice was clear enough
And daylight ratified our reckoning.


well well well......

helloo helloo,

lets start with this now, over the last few weeks, i have come to knw 2 ppl called siddharth, ones sidd pandey, i told u abt him, that we talk and that hes a great guy, theres this other siddharth i cam to knw,sumtime ago, he's all intelligent and wants to do his phD so i call him sidd phD, well so abt him, he's this sweet guy who's all formal on the first meeting, very chivalrous, will pay ur bill and pull out ur chair(even at mcDonald's :P),so we casually saw each other nuthing much, nuthing great, he doesnt talk much and i, well.... so i thot i bored him to death,and so when i left i thot he'd be relieved, so i was surprised when i came to knw that he had asked for my number(we were the cover for this friend couple of ours), so he called me, yesterday, casually, we got to talking, and so looks like we have nuthing i common, except a lil bit of music and thats abt it, so he listens really carefully and quotes me later, remembers stuff, and yeah discusses musicals with even though he doesnt like them, so i gotta knw a few more things abt him, normal conversation, calls me up today and asks me out, seriously.well, he says that i seem like a very nice person and we should see each other, and that he'd love to spend more time with me, among other sweet ego boosting things.....i didnt knw wat to say, so i copied HIS line and said that we need to knw each other better,
u knw abt this guy, hes a gentleman, looks good, very polite, courteous, likes me, and almost the kind of guy read abt in buks and wish for to appear miraculously, but still sumthing irks me, i find faults in him, could be anything,but i guess his biggest flaw(or mine) is that........he isnt HIM.

well i'll never learn, nope no hope.....

but yeah its ok, i'd be in touch with this guy, well u knw now i get HIS feelings and why He said what he said, perhaps bcoz i just wasn't HER..........but i am ME, and hope thats of any use.

well still...........u move on, u make mistakes and u pretend to learn, works that way na??

so catch ya later, alligator.
S.

Monday, July 2, 2007

interesting...........

you have the slimmest body. the light fur
that covers it is lovely. lovelier
still is that gold-shot hair; that mouth, those eyes,
smiling, unmetaphysical and wise.
enough said, but beneath this you possess
that blend of gentle whim and forcefulness
that only a bartender of high class
could have poured out. may i request a glass?

he he works for me, read it again......

ME...........

well someone persuaded me to let u knw sumthing abt me(dunno wat gud that'll do but still....)..so here i am:

20 SOMETHINGS ABT ME.................

1. i love books, reading is one of the things i do best and with utmost interest, love being alone with my books, can imagine a lot....

2.hmmm, chivalry and courtesy impress me and i look forward to it in ppl, doesnt happen usually but still....

3.i talk too much for my own good, i dont think its good but no self control....

4.i am afraid of being lonely (lonely and alone are 2 different things)

5.one of the most important things life gave me are my frenz, they happen to let me cry, without asking why so i cant make it through without them

6.i hate change,absolutely detest it!!.......

7.i cant let go of things, be it old stuff or people.....

8.the connaught place part of delhi is my favourite, soothes me sumhow,just a stroll, thats enough.plus i dont like it when ppl refer to it as CP.

9.i am scared of DEBT, n u dnt knw how much.

10.i have rigid ideas, i dont bend the ideals i have, nope, no flexibility that way, good or bad? no idea.

11.a man of integrity and intelligence is far better than one with just good looks.

12.i dream................

13.being independent is my top priority, dont wanna depend on anyone, anymore atleast.

14.i dont think true love exists when i read about it in books but i wud like it to...

15.people become too important to me and i love a certain ppl with all my heart...

16.i expect too much and thats my biggest problem!!

17.someday i'd like to mean to someone what they mean to me.........

18.i am an optimist.

19.i love music, rains spells melody and so does the delhi traffic for that matter, u can camouflage so much in the hustle bustle that it makes u feel fresh, new altogether.

20.i am 18 and i shouldnt be like this.

july...........

It was but yesterday we met in a dream.
You have sung to me in my aloneness, and I
Of your longings have built a tower in the sky
But now our sleep has fled and our dream is
Over, and it is no longer dawn.
The noontide is upon us and our half waking
Has turned to fuller day, and we must part.
If in the twilight of memory we should meet
Once more, we shall speak again together and you
Shall sing to me a deeper song.
And if our hands should meet in another dream
We shall build another tower in the sky.
ANY DREAM WILL DO!!!

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Doing Nothing.......................

Hey there!!...as u can see, I am up to, what I do best, Nothing!!
Well as suggested cleverly by someone, in order to write about this topic, I needed to get into the skin of the “character” and hence, do nothing, so after a day’s hard work on it, here I am….. so today was the usual lazy Sunday, you know there’s something, I am not really very fond of Sundays, don’t really know why, maybe its just that lazing around is best done when u know that u aren’t really supposed to, maybe that’s just my banter, moving on….

Even doing nothing gets very boring at times, so what does one do? Hmm, well I go back to my books, it makes me feel secure, it’s like a welcome reprieve from the untamable reality, u have no control over. well, so I went back to reading ANCIENT PROMISES, again, maybe because it’s one of my favorites, then again maybe because I identify with Janaki, the protagonist, more than anyone else, either way, you know every time I read this book, I think to myself could this ever be me??, well then a voice inside me says, “Not if I can help it, no ways!”, don’t know what the future holds but I cant imagine myself there yaar, nope, I’d stick out like a sore thumb. ……………..So here’s a case scenario, after being born in modern, fast, urban Delhi, to settle down (or be expected to) in Chennai, tracing my roots(apparently), I am thinking about the South born and fed guy I’d possibly get stuck with(or more importantly, who’d get stuck with me, hai bechara!!)…..think, any time I have ever even visited faraway Chennai was on an occasion or when I had been compelled to, never by choice, just because, I was always labeled the Delhi types, well you know, Delhi and Chennai are like black and white, where Delhi seems to stylish and grateful, Chennai is no doubt spic and span but at the same time far from what Delhi ever could be, to me at least. Think, to have grown up with Delhi values and make a life in Chennai, that, my friends is a sure shot recipe for disaster, to be expected to drop my fancy Pleases and Thankyou’s that are so pretentiously delhi, no roaming all over the house in nighties (“Don’t they bathe, where you come from??”),Uh oh!!!
Plus since I don’t have the necessary sambar making skills, that I can’t wear a sari without creating the biggest fuss, nor can I match in anyway the fluent Tamil that flies about in all directions, u know what’ll happen na?? AIYYO!!

Hmmmm, but this isn’t me, I am not Janaki, so maybe some poor dilliwallah, somewhere is going to be threatened for the rest of his life into doing what I want to, he he, don’t expect me to change that much now do you??
No yaar but still, I don’t see a big love marriage now, but I do look forward to an understanding relationship which works, I’ll make it work, hell, a couple of hindrances are much better than a loveless union you have no interest in.

So now you know, how bored I was,
Yup the same amount you are now,
Okay, I’ll let you live,
S.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

my thoughts exactly................



इस पार, प्रिये मधु है तुम हो, उस पार न जाने क्या होगा!

hmm, still thinking??, i think its nice,so ankur u must have liked it, nice na??
that happend to be Harishvansh Rai Bachchan, i like his writings, touchs a chord, sumwhere!!

u know...........

hmmm so i am back, yes, again!!!

lets see now, i wanted to say sumthing, now i have forgotten and i hate this........!!, this is wat happens when i sit here thinking abt sumthing, then theres kishore kumar's amplified crooning, love the song, so mind drifts off to sumplace else and now, NOW i cant remember where i began!!!

well thats the way we are!!.......wat to do, ummm, that always happens with me and songs, these days extensively with bryan adams ........one song after the other, my mind keeps going back to a lotta things, but then i realise, that since now i am HERE, not there, that must mean sumthing na..........................


all these songs seem to talk only abt LOVE, nuthing else, just love, i mean its a good thing but i do believe that too many things bind it, if we set boundaries then i am sorry i cant call it that, well lets see now, i am no expert on love but theresthe thing that if u claim to be IN LOVE with a certain sumone, a very special sumone, then how, and this is the part that i dont get, How, when do u FALL OUT OF LOVE with that person?, if u love sumone , even if u do move on,watever the reason may be, dont u still love them??, dont u carry a part of all those memories and those ties with u??, that is since u claim it comes straight from the heart, its a lil wierd to me.thats hy i knw now i was never in love with A. nope, never...............................and its great this way.
but HIM, he's a different story, i dont wanna go there, u knw i am gonna use the folowing excerpt(yes !again)........

"Could fulfillment ever be felt as deeply as loss? Romantically she decided that love must surely reside in the gap between desire and fulfillment, in the lack, not the contentment. Love was the ache, the anticipation, the retreat, everything around it but the emotion itself."

well i think i get it now,i dont say that my life stops if he doesnt feel the same as i do and thats not bcoz he isnt important, but i am not being fair to anyone, most of all him, if i refuse to move on, if i still like him, HE's great yaar,will always be, and I, i'll be ME, yup me, the same me:

never learning from my mistakes, liking ppl too much, talking too much, always, yup no scope for improvement!!!

anothr thing i realised, watever u say, it doesnt take much to be happy,

the wind, a bar of dairy milk(even if not whole), chocolate cake(or the thot of it), friends, lovers, phone calls, a wink, a smile, books(for me),a gift, a note(not currency, but yeah that too!!), shopping, jalebis, actually u knw anything can make u happy, u decide!!

.........................feels like rain!!!!


enuf for today??
great,
so long............
S.

Friday, June 29, 2007

hmm yet another day.........

oh hello!
well to begin with happy birthday to my sis, who is verrry nice to me, at times.....i wish she gets everything, really(just not the remote, i like to keep that with me!!)

well yesterday was quite fun actually, amazing weather, hence it made me be extra nice to all those around me, and yeah people were extra nice to me too, so lotsa compliments, which is always great.

HE read my blog(on major insistence), says he liked it, i dont believe him, well he thinks he has to be too nice to me coz he is afraid i'll get hurt, i am glad he gets it but it freaks me out when he gets too understanding, he shud think abt himself first,thats more important,HE is more important, so SIR, i hope u get that!!!

ehem, moving on, well u know siddharth pandey ryt(yes the OTHER Pandey ji)....i speak to him on and off, so heres one conclusion, he has no patience at all(wants to know who his secret admirer is??), he he, well all in all,great guy, very nice to talk too, one of those argue-y people like ME, very determined abt future plans and all(some of which i got to hear that day, very impressive!!)..................so first impressions arent everything!!........................hmmm wat else, currently involved(he hopes) with HOT(??) norwegian babe( not me, sidd pandey!!).......... ummm yeah i like to think that i persuaded him to start blogging(he he), but nah, he started blogging and is now THE MOUSE POTATO on apna blogspot, he says its SUPPOSED to be sumthing like couch potato, just on the pc.....well...if u say so.......all in all great guy, funny blog, expert argue-er,but I WIN!!!!!!!!!!!

wat else, akhil ji, i heard was all prepared to leave amity, couldnt control, felt very bad, told harih that i'll CRY, harish told akhil, akhil called me and well the waterworks seemed to have worked, i threathened him and he says he wont go if he can help it,he he, i hope he stays though.

i miss priya with all my heart, shes this really intelligent chic, she gets me, i mean shes all smart plus shes like me, we talk abt everything and end up laughing at everything, our hot boys discussion is my favourite.

hmm wat else, ishan has gone to meet his school frenz today, i feel bad for me, my school frenz make plans in such far off places that either i cant make it or by there attitudes i dont wanna go, seriously when i left school i thot its gonna be tough to get over, well its almost the same now, but now i believe that we all move on, thats a part of my life i love and cherish but i like being where i am now, and yeah i'll move on. anuj samarth neharika and prakhar i am determined to keep in my life, one way or another.

well listening to a lot of music and since my sunshine's back,

You give me fever....................................


Wednesday, June 27, 2007

monsoon!!!

my second favourite season is here!!yeah, i just love the rains, mite sound cliched but theres just sumthing abt the greens and the muddy smell and everything around u just seems nice, i just seem to forget wats going on, its like the rain washes away everything, sadness, meloncholy, it just brings with it hope, lots of it.

well come to think of it, i dont like holidays very much though, primarily bcoz i dont like the very idea of change itself, now for me life's well and gud when i am going to college everyday, seeing my frends, daydreaming, yearning for some free time, sharing lunches,spending hot summer days by splitting a cola with priya and akhilaggappa........along come the hols and all thats gone, its just me and tv, all the free time in da world, just doesnt feel gud, i miss all those goofy ppl around me, huh, one whole long month to go.well after that month is over, i get to see everyone again,but i am still thinking how am i ever gonna get over the fact that sooo many people are leaviing, knw i am such a baby(all the time), but first the nano guys and now akhil, even richa, i hate CHANGE!!

yeah moving on(how??), as i was saying, my second fav season is monsoon and my favourtite-test season is WINTER, oye hoye, just love it, i am just ot a summer person ,cant stand the sweat and so on, but winters, its all cold and cuddly!!with the warmth of sweaters and mufflers, everyone becomes warm yaar. its just fun,ppl like u a whole lot more(or it seems like it) and hence u wanna be a lil nicer urself.

accha waise my life doesnt suck altogether, i like it now, if not too much, a lil atleast.i keep telling HIM that he shud have more faith in himself, trust me haan the guy is amazing and NO i am not just saying that but really it takes a lot to get sumthing into his head, just bcoz i think he has believed for the longest time that all those around him deserve much more than he does, if only i cud get him to see the truth:he's kind, sweet, sensitive, verrry cute, understanding, dreams a lot, thinks a lot, means wat he says, genuine,handsome(he he okay that cud just be me), determined, INTELLIGENT!!..........hmm now all thats left is to get him to believe that thats all true....u knw it takes me back to those days when i used to feel like him too, but then anuj came along and i guess thats wat HE shud do to, when u dont have faith in urself, place tat faith in those around u, they are intelligent enuf, they knw wats there to love, and hence they love you, maybe u shud just trust them then.i wish he does it.....god knows,if anyone deserves it, its HIM!!

to you,


" i know everything around u is very important, but then, SO ARE YOU!!"

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

june........

You don't love me at all ? O God , O shit.
You still 'respect me.' Thanks. I value it
About as much as one who's asked to use
A second hat when he's in need of shoes
Since, I discover, my own self respect
Is quite enough to keep my spine erect
Why is it true my ample self affection
Will not suffice to buoy me in rejection ?
hmmm.........i told him.

???

ok i go online and check out the astro part of yahoo.....now i do it,mainly out of habit, and this is wat i find........

Reach out today and approach that person who makes you smile. Connect!

!!!


well, THAT PERSON, sir u have the same sunsign, why dont you follow
yahoo's advice for a change!!!!!!!! and yeah, it has been the longest 8 days!!! so reach out, just call!!

Friday, May 18, 2007

there we go again!!



"Don't throw something away because one part doesn't work. Figure out why it's not working, or see if you can still keep this operation running without it. There are a million possibilities out there, so keep looking."

this is what my horoscope reads today, well wierdo coincidence, since i just placed a call to A. and he picked up and i hated what i heard,cold and distant, had made up my mind about not ever calling him again(AGAIN!!), he called me back and this is what i dont get, i dont enjoy talking to him these days since he's all attached and things are all crazy, but i keep hoping that he'd call, wat might that be abut i keep asking myself but in vain, as usual, nothing comes out of it.

you know its a little confusing for me, when i speak to him now, i hear a person who is formal and cold and distant just appearing to be there, i wonder then is there a change in him or is it my perception?? i am a little crazy i guess.

well and yeah, after writing this blog i keep thinking if its good enough then i realize that i write for me and no one else, that yes it may not be as intellectual or sophisticated as the wonderful ones tat the people around me write but i like it the way it is.

Monday, April 16, 2007

well........

and as for you, my love of many years,
who are so fine, quiet and unobsessed,
i wish you what you have already, rest
of spirit. to you memory appears
too little worth analysis or tears.
in my heart too i will it not to last,
nor do i wish that when the moonlight sears
it should inveigle you into the past.

Monday, April 9, 2007

across.....

Across these miles i wish you well.
May nothing haunt your heart but sleep.
May you not sense what i don't tell.
May you not dream,or doubt, or weep.
May what my pen this peace less day
writes on this page not reach your view
till its deferred print lets you say
it speaks to someone else than you.