Saturday, July 28, 2007
May I send these lines to you
In the tacit hope you might
Take my type at least as true
Let this distance disappear
And our hearts approach from far
Till we come to be as near
As acrostically we are.
Now thats how it was to be, i hope it was all this, i know u dont function like the others around you, and thats what makes you, YOU.........you dont play games, your feelings are genuine, maybe not towards me, but they are, and thats commendable, i still continue to hope and pray but i love you even more just because u are still there...
now i know, you may think that i am just be in a phase and this will pass, but thats not me and its impossible to know you and let the love slide by, untouched, unnoticed....just because people dont tell you that often and fondly, doesnt mean its not true, my words might hardly mean anything to you, you'll never admit to it, but still, i dont wish to flatter, but i speak of what i see clearly, and i dont know how anyone could miss that,how you could not see what i see.
i could sit here and crib all i want how you never say anything definitive, how its still in the grey area, but i would be a fool to let all that become obstacles in the moments i spend with u now, its great this way too actually, atleast that we are able to state clearly what we think, i do not know where this will go, but i do know that i wish for it to be the same if not more.
i know i am crazy silly but u put up with it.you always sit there patiently listening and listening, in ur silence, which although i mock and dont understand at times, states clearly that theres more to emotions than just voicing them, somethings just have to be understood or better yet, left as they are, that people matter, sumtimes more than situations, u teach me never to judge people, u be the same simple you and get ur point across,just as simply.
most of all u care, i know u dont admit tht either but thats how it is.
now read and re-read these lines please, which happen to be depicting my life NOW.......and know why i feel what i feel.
NO, its not my wish or my opinion, i want u to react, tell me what u think, clearly, bluntly for once. My problem na…..
I may be imposing, i guess I am, but I long to hear what u think, for It is important to me, and for a change say na. for you are not my dream, but my reality.
well those around me knw that THAT title is NOT that wierd(maybe!!) well this is the tragedy i tell u but i must now chalk down a list of all the cute guys around me, its necessary:
1. The Chaddi Man(ehem.....cant write his real name here, thats not as cute as him)- hes cute even when hes stupid, which is quite often these days, ask priya!!
2. Robin, the Motor man- he's my neighbour and hes OH MY GOD CUTE, as long as u are just looking at him, i mean hes all intelligent looking and if god forbids he speaks its usually, MOTOR ONN HAI KYA??..................(no i havent forgotten the spelling of ON).......but hes sooooo cute!!
3. Prakhar- well not the same kinda cute as the above two but his actions make him cute, but about that later.
4. ankur, his pari is his WORRY(and vice versa!!)..........ankur is no doubt verry sweet and thats makes him cute.
and surprisingly that's it, no wonder i have NO love life!!!!
well yeah i havent put HIM in this list coz hes ALWAYS cute, not just now, that, and a lotta other things, but i can go ONN AND ONN AND ONN na?
well now lets see, yesterday in class sumthing wierd happened that left me and pri in fits of laughter!!!
lets see now, we are attending fluid mech tut and PRINCE OF ALIGARH, mr.tamasha himself is seated on my left, then while sir has his back to us, so tamasha ji,i notice has fixed his gaze on my shoes( yep the new ones) and is smiling to himself, and then he notices me looking and says,(in his usual tone), " joote bade acche hain", oh and thats what was sooooo amusing to pri, but i genuinely think deepak is a very nice guy, and he can be very sweet when he wants to be, but every now and then he changes his mind and becomes the tamasha type again, cant help it can u?
what else, we attended the solid mech lab without THE pandey, and he seemed distraught at that, bouncing a quick "Dhoka de diya" to me and priya, but then again, he was the one who said,before the class, "apun ka ho gaya!!"...........so......... well still and since hes the new CR and all............lets see where this goes!!
hmmm aur kya, nuthing much, went out for a bit today,
astro says "someone i have been thinking about a lot will call me today",
ehem ehem, ab kya kahein!!
kucch toh kar nalayak, as Bhasin sir would put it,
love u seriously,and very much!!
the same me.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
till then, hearing a certain healthy amount of miles davis, a habit i procured from repeatedly watching runaway bride, and yeah talking abt that, this is another fav, enjoy:-
" Dont deny me, this pain i am going through,
Please Forgive me, i NEED you like i do "
Monday, July 23, 2007
looking forward to everything!!
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Friday, July 20, 2007
well so rahul khanna + nandita das+ great story + history.............AAMIR KHAN................it doesnt take much to make one happy now does it......plus shopping today!!
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
"Even as a kid, I always went for the wrong women. I feel that's my problem. When my mother took me to see Snow White, everyone fell in love with Snow White. I immediately fell for the wicked queen."
love it absolutely, and even more if u get it.
u knw sumtimes i think, people should build that wall around themselves and never let it crumble, that way atleast u wont lose track of ur goal(if any)......maybe.dont know, maybe i should too, just focus on earning money and all, work my ass off, put emotions aside, maybe it'll help na? that'll be a good life too.
P.s.-anuj, no i am not trying to get u to call me, nothing is wrong with me. lots of love!! :)
Monday, July 16, 2007
Saturday, July 14, 2007
went to westside and the great india place, couldnt believe it but bought the most adorable pair of flats, pink and polka dots, little white bow, very converse like, but in short AMAZING!!!
also bought a new green kurti but thats secondary, the shoes are my first love, mom got a yellow kurta, says i can borrow it too, but i dont see that happening in the near future...:) .......... i also went to the Om book shop and finally bought TO KILL A MOCKING BIRD, to break the danielle steel spell, i guess its going to be good, certainly hope it saves me from boredom for the next couple of days.....i finished THE LONG ROAD HOME, danielle steel, it wasnt bad, not pathbreaking or anything, just that i realize that there is a certain set pattern in all steel's books, the ones i have read so far seem to be awfully predictable.well yeah, so moving on, i enquired the price of a bookmark at the book shop today and was outraged when the guy quoted Rs.95 for a fancy piece of cardboard, i guess till i find a reasonably priced one, i am going to use my nani's prescription only, keeps it handy.
i would type more, theres much more to say, since i almost completely left out the usual mundane things i write about, but veerrry tired today, headche and all, so hope u had a great day too....bbye!!
Friday, July 13, 2007
well its hard to not miss someone you have known since u were 2 yrs old, anyways...Sam’s always been around, so much so that I have always taken him for granted, now that he's in far Bangalore, I truly miss him, I mean I always yell at him when we are on the phone coz he’s always discussing cigarettes with some buddy of his, when I am on the line, I mean come on, u call me SUTTA aright but is that really necessary??, its ironical, I mean we cant call each other often now, he has his exams and stuff and I have mine too, and there were days in school when he used to call me sooo frequently, that sometimes I used to ditch his calls, since we never had anything to talk about but we'd still be on the phone, for hours constantly taking turns repeating the same "aur bata" line, and it would seem useless and take forever.....he'd never ever put the phone down, I’d always say samarth mujhe jana hai,and he'd say KYUN, then it wud become a conversation between deaf men, then I’d yell and put the phone down. I remember when we'd gone to a badminton camp in the summer hols from school once, and when the man in charge asked for our addresses, we took turns reciting each others, instead of our own. we were goofy as kids but we got along well together, I actually have difficulty remembering any fights we had as kids, maybe it was because we knew each other long enough hence we understood how our minds worked, and that we were equally crazy, so the company was great. I always complained that he forgot stuff, didn’t pay attention, but the truth is, that yes, Sam forgets birthdays, he doesn’t wish, he doesn’t usually bring presents (he bought me a FA deodorant once on my bday and later said that since it was a Tuesday and only the chemists were open!!!) but at the end of the day he cares, he remembers me and my feelings and that for me is enough. We may not be helpful to each other all the time, our ideas may clash, he may be checking out some girl while I may be discussing an issue (or vice versa, not girl GUY!!) but we are always there for each other, and that’s enough I guess, I hope I get to a stage where I can tell people that I have known Sam for 50 yrs and more, when we are little old people, with grandkids and dentures who criticize everything and say “those were the days” we still have each other to call best friends and turn to when the YOUNG PEOPLE don’t get us, hope we always be the same, hopeless US, who refuse to change and who refuse to listen, who just chat all along, about everything and anything, who understand each others insecurities, who don’t have to say stuff to mean it, who fight over eternal rubbish and know it!, who feel awkward to hug but still know how close they really are………. U be the same Sam, who’s never great with emotions and I’d be the same Swati, the one with the fountain ponies and the world will still be beautiful.
So come back soon and slide back quietly into my life again,
I’ll wait for those calls, so I can proudly proclaim to everyone my best friend’s back!
By-god-courier-services, I miss u!!
Lots of love,
Thursday, July 12, 2007
also as visible, i mope a lot, which is the cherry on the cake.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
well missed u a little bit, was infact looking for something substantial to write about, so now that I don’t have anything I am just going to go back to the usual. So let’s see, although in the past few days my life hasn’t changed drastically or anything, but these days were certainly fun.
Well, u know those times when you are feeling completely low, are moping around the house hating yourself, and then voila, some people come along and u are all better?..... well that’s what Anuj always does, and I completely Love him for it, I know there are times when we don’t talk for months but then talking to him makes it all better, its great, just coz he gets me, I don’t have to give unnecessary explanations, justifications et al, well and just coz we can laugh about any given thing but can be very serious too, mind it. Neha D. still believes that I LURRRRRVE Anuj, maybe just coz she does, well I do just not like THAT, yes life’s hard without him but still I am the only gal who knows him and isn’t head over heels in love with him……RECORD!!! Still love u love u love u ANUJ!!!
Hmm, that’s what friends do………
C. called on Friday, to let me know that he’s in town, I was just sad that since ammaji isn’t well, I couldn’t go and see him, but then I knew he would understand, he always does. Then on Saturday morning , at around 11 he called again, this time just to tease me I guess, he was in Pandara road, so told me that he planned to have lunch in Ichiban, well its this great Chinese place which we used to frequent back when we were together, it always brought back memories of that shared bowl of noodle soup on his birthday about 3 yrs ago, but that seems like long ago, I wanted to see him again, he was always great company and then he went back where he came from. So he was being his usual self, then I kept the line, moped around since I was looking at a lonely crappy Saturday.
An hour passed and then the bell rang, I went and opened the door, to find C. smiling at me with his hands full of Chinese take out, a DVD and a couple of toblerones(yup, the white ones!!!) …..gosh, he’s so cute, well so it looks like we were going to have our picnic indoors for a change. So we settled down and saw Metro, nice movie, must say, should have seen it in the theatre, I mean it one of those rare sane movies, its not as hard hitting as rang de basanti but the humor is good and its meaningful, good songs and great actors, I just did not get what someone like Kangana Ranaut was doing with the likes of Konkana sen and Irrfan Khan. Oh yeah, and I thought konkana and irfan were the best couple in the movie, silly but sweet, and they end together so great. Haan, coming back to C., well its almost been ages since I met him, 2 yrs I guess, but that’s the beauty of it, we can still start talking from where we left off, he told me that he saw someone but it didn’t work out and about college and so on, he says I haven’t changed at all, and he still laughs about the fact that I refuse to share my white chocolates with him, he says I am still crazy and the only thing that has possibly changed is that I have opened my mind and now I at least read things other that Sidney Sheldon and Vikram Seth, well I told him that’s not happening as I have no intentions whatsoever to read those Danielle Steel’s he saw on my table, NOPE none!! Waise come to think of it, C. hasn’t changed that much either, he just looks a little older to me now, more mature, professor-ly, but still majorly the same, sweet C. He says that sometimes, he does think of me, it makes him feel nice, well those days were nice but its great even this way, He still maintains A. is an ass, and good I got past him. So went to drop him to the bus stop, I felt bad he was leaving, I am not good at goodbye’s anyways, I make a big deal of it, so we shared a coffee ice cream and he left, hope he comes back soon. Walked back home, thinking of some good times, how he’d never have samosas with me coz I would always leave him with the potato part and how he could never be on time, I am sure he still gets hell over that!, how whenever we went to ichiban he always gave up and had my choice of soup, tomato mostly, over his cream of mushroom… also how we always made a fuss whenever it rained and the occasional drizzle was long awaited for, that trip to Agra where he munched down 3 pethas in a row, eeeew,and the one thing he always laughs about and never lets me forget, that little puppy we had spotted once,all creamy white with spots patches of black and how when it came to naming him, i chose hariprasad, well in my defense it seemed to fit and the pup liked it!!..... but that was then……. I am here, now.
Well all in all fun, nostalgic, but great.
till next time,
P.s.-since the hols arent over yet, i keep thinking that the past two days were saturday and sunday, so i have to look up when the above mentioned happened....;)
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Hello hello ……..
I went out today, by the time I got back home, it had begun to rain, well so theres a bahaana to go all CHHAP CHHAP, he he, great weather, feels great!!
You know, there are times when amidst a casual conversation something big strikes you, an idea or just this realization, well today happened to be one of those days, and this conversation with him today was one of those conversations, so what I definitely don’t have is PATIENCE, zilch!!, none at all.
So you know what, sometimes it makes me feel like I am not going anywhere with this, well maybe true, but then again, I like it the way it is, he’s my choice, well I may not be his but its worth the effort just to know that……….aaah forget it.
Maybe I should let love be love, not necessarily give it a name….its difficult, but maybe that’s how it should be.
So went out and still bought no books, shame on me, as a punishment more Danielle Steel , :
So “people” should blog more, so that I get a reprieve from Ms.Steel. Thank you ji.
Time is the enemy of love,
The thief that shortens
All our golden hours
I have never understood then
Why lovers count their happiness
In days and months and years
While our Love can only be measured
In our joys and sighs and tears.
Friday, July 6, 2007
today to wake me up she tries this new trick,"get up, shopping today!!" and voila i am up, just like that and i obediently make my bed and in ten minutes i am all scrubbed clean down at the breakfast table and THEN, then i find out that the above mentioned "shopping" ACTUALLY refers to sum grocery shopping, eeeeeeeew!!
well so after going to the market, and after half an hour of "do kilo aloo for Rs.10, GASP!!" and lotsa arguing, i'm back, theres karela for lunch, and possibly sumthing similar for dinner..........there is no justice in this world i tell u!!!
due to extreme boredom, picked up a copy of femina, read the astro part and was appauled,
" get the present guy completely out of ur system before moving on to the next guy! u go gurl!!"
ehem, is that all femina thinks gals do?so there, thats why i DONT, as a rule, DONT buy femina.If this is Femina then i dread to think abt its supplement Femina Gurl...
gonna go now,
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
so after all those days of irking ishan with "HEY BABY" turns out theres actually a movie called hey baby and its got vidya balan in it, so he wont get THAT irritated after all. :P
hmmm, what else, it seems a lil wierd u knw, that sumone likes me, well just looks like i am more used to ppl looking into my eyes, holding my hand and saying, HER NAME IS.................. he he, looks like a role reversal, but i'll try to be nice.
as of now, no new book, re reading a couple of old sheldons, nice,also lots of music, bryan adams mainly, a couple of movie songs here and there, awfully fond of a few bits so they keep running again and again. my sister thinks i have gone MAD,that i keep listening to Please forgive me again and again!!
so nuthing more to say now, looking forward to sumthing, dont knw wat but hope rtheres SUNSHINE and lots of it!!
Let me now sleep, let me not think, let me
Not ache with inconsistent tenderness
It was untenable delight; we are free--
Separate, equal--and if loverless,
Love consumes time which is more dear than love,
More unreplicable. With everything
Thus posited, the choice was clear enough
And daylight ratified our reckoning.
lets start with this now, over the last few weeks, i have come to knw 2 ppl called siddharth, ones sidd pandey, i told u abt him, that we talk and that hes a great guy, theres this other siddharth i cam to knw,sumtime ago, he's all intelligent and wants to do his phD so i call him sidd phD, well so abt him, he's this sweet guy who's all formal on the first meeting, very chivalrous, will pay ur bill and pull out ur chair(even at mcDonald's :P),so we casually saw each other nuthing much, nuthing great, he doesnt talk much and i, well.... so i thot i bored him to death,and so when i left i thot he'd be relieved, so i was surprised when i came to knw that he had asked for my number(we were the cover for this friend couple of ours), so he called me, yesterday, casually, we got to talking, and so looks like we have nuthing i common, except a lil bit of music and thats abt it, so he listens really carefully and quotes me later, remembers stuff, and yeah discusses musicals with even though he doesnt like them, so i gotta knw a few more things abt him, normal conversation, calls me up today and asks me out, seriously.well, he says that i seem like a very nice person and we should see each other, and that he'd love to spend more time with me, among other sweet ego boosting things.....i didnt knw wat to say, so i copied HIS line and said that we need to knw each other better,
u knw abt this guy, hes a gentleman, looks good, very polite, courteous, likes me, and almost the kind of guy read abt in buks and wish for to appear miraculously, but still sumthing irks me, i find faults in him, could be anything,but i guess his biggest flaw(or mine) is that........he isnt HIM.
well i'll never learn, nope no hope.....
but yeah its ok, i'd be in touch with this guy, well u knw now i get HIS feelings and why He said what he said, perhaps bcoz i just wasn't HER..........but i am ME, and hope thats of any use.
well still...........u move on, u make mistakes and u pretend to learn, works that way na??
so catch ya later, alligator.
Monday, July 2, 2007
that covers it is lovely. lovelier
still is that gold-shot hair; that mouth, those eyes,
smiling, unmetaphysical and wise.
enough said, but beneath this you possess
that blend of gentle whim and forcefulness
that only a bartender of high class
could have poured out. may i request a glass?
he he works for me, read it again......
20 SOMETHINGS ABT ME.................
1. i love books, reading is one of the things i do best and with utmost interest, love being alone with my books, can imagine a lot....
2.hmmm, chivalry and courtesy impress me and i look forward to it in ppl, doesnt happen usually but still....
3.i talk too much for my own good, i dont think its good but no self control....
4.i am afraid of being lonely (lonely and alone are 2 different things)
5.one of the most important things life gave me are my frenz, they happen to let me cry, without asking why so i cant make it through without them
6.i hate change,absolutely detest it!!.......
7.i cant let go of things, be it old stuff or people.....
8.the connaught place part of delhi is my favourite, soothes me sumhow,just a stroll, thats enough.plus i dont like it when ppl refer to it as CP.
9.i am scared of DEBT, n u dnt knw how much.
10.i have rigid ideas, i dont bend the ideals i have, nope, no flexibility that way, good or bad? no idea.
11.a man of integrity and intelligence is far better than one with just good looks.
13.being independent is my top priority, dont wanna depend on anyone, anymore atleast.
14.i dont think true love exists when i read about it in books but i wud like it to...
15.people become too important to me and i love a certain ppl with all my heart...
16.i expect too much and thats my biggest problem!!
17.someday i'd like to mean to someone what they mean to me.........
18.i am an optimist.
19.i love music, rains spells melody and so does the delhi traffic for that matter, u can camouflage so much in the hustle bustle that it makes u feel fresh, new altogether.
20.i am 18 and i shouldnt be like this.
It was but yesterday we met in a dream.
You have sung to me in my aloneness, and I
Of your longings have built a tower in the sky
But now our sleep has fled and our dream is
Over, and it is no longer dawn.
The noontide is upon us and our half waking
Has turned to fuller day, and we must part.
If in the twilight of memory we should meet
Once more, we shall speak again together and you
Shall sing to me a deeper song.
And if our hands should meet in another dream
We shall build another tower in the sky.
ANY DREAM WILL DO!!!
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Well as suggested cleverly by someone, in order to write about this topic, I needed to get into the skin of the “character” and hence, do nothing, so after a day’s hard work on it, here I am….. so today was the usual lazy Sunday, you know there’s something, I am not really very fond of Sundays, don’t really know why, maybe its just that lazing around is best done when u know that u aren’t really supposed to, maybe that’s just my banter, moving on….
Even doing nothing gets very boring at times, so what does one do? Hmm, well I go back to my books, it makes me feel secure, it’s like a welcome reprieve from the untamable reality, u have no control over. well, so I went back to reading ANCIENT PROMISES, again, maybe because it’s one of my favorites, then again maybe because I identify with Janaki, the protagonist, more than anyone else, either way, you know every time I read this book, I think to myself could this ever be me??, well then a voice inside me says, “Not if I can help it, no ways!”, don’t know what the future holds but I cant imagine myself there yaar, nope, I’d stick out like a sore thumb. ……………..So here’s a case scenario, after being born in modern, fast, urban Delhi, to settle down (or be expected to) in Chennai, tracing my roots(apparently), I am thinking about the South born and fed guy I’d possibly get stuck with(or more importantly, who’d get stuck with me, hai bechara!!)…..think, any time I have ever even visited faraway Chennai was on an occasion or when I had been compelled to, never by choice, just because, I was always labeled the Delhi types, well you know, Delhi and Chennai are like black and white, where Delhi seems to stylish and grateful, Chennai is no doubt spic and span but at the same time far from what Delhi ever could be, to me at least. Think, to have grown up with Delhi values and make a life in Chennai, that, my friends is a sure shot recipe for disaster, to be expected to drop my fancy Pleases and Thankyou’s that are so pretentiously delhi, no roaming all over the house in nighties (“Don’t they bathe, where you come from??”),Uh oh!!!
Plus since I don’t have the necessary sambar making skills, that I can’t wear a sari without creating the biggest fuss, nor can I match in anyway the fluent Tamil that flies about in all directions, u know what’ll happen na?? AIYYO!!
Hmmmm, but this isn’t me, I am not Janaki, so maybe some poor dilliwallah, somewhere is going to be threatened for the rest of his life into doing what I want to, he he, don’t expect me to change that much now do you??
No yaar but still, I don’t see a big love marriage now, but I do look forward to an understanding relationship which works, I’ll make it work, hell, a couple of hindrances are much better than a loveless union you have no interest in.
So now you know, how bored I was,
Yup the same amount you are now,
Okay, I’ll let you live,