Thursday, August 30, 2007

yes i understand.......maybe not wholly, not so much that i maybe any closer to you but i do understand, a little bit but even so.i think we do mean most of the times what our words imply, not all promises are broken, our words are most important only when they are truly meant, and straight from the heart.

strolling through life, we look for that one person who pays as much attention to you as you to them,not that it never happens or always does, but u know u are lucky if someone remembers that you like roses but not the red ones, and so on.....its strange but this kind of a relationship brings with it a certain sense of satisfaction, someone notices you and that in someway is enough.

i know i ask too many questions and some which make u tink too much, but i never mean to blame you really, its jst that certainity brings with it a security which i am not used to and the idea of ever getting it dont go dowwn well with me so i end up restless, more so than usual. i am sorry. i know its too complex, thats why i dont read my posts twice( DONT give me that" woh toh dikhta hai" look!!)

all i know is that i love you and thats it, jo hoga so hoga, par yeh ho gaya.

so react ok!

S.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

...........................

i do not know what it is about you that closes and opens, only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses. Your eyes have their silence, in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, or which i cannot touch because they are too near.

i carry your heart with me, i carry it in my heart.

...................... understand?? tell me tommorow... :)

love,
S.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

losing all and still.........

"The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.


Lose something every day.Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it make look like (Write it!) a disaster."


you lose, you accept, you move on.
and gaining............................................i wouldnt knw.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

FINALLY went to that pizza hut thing…………….great fun, perhaps a tad too expensive, but worth the effort!

I had this incredible pasta, people refused to taste it but I maintain that it was great….actually I have never been the sort, u don’t like it so I don’t either, and I do not believe it is egoistic or anything….see, if your boyfriend wanted you to be sati savitri he would rather have gone for a bal vivaah, even in my last relationship ( which was a long long time ago), I wasn’t majorly different, and I do hear that I was quite easy and fun to be with, I mean just because I didn’t call him every two hours with a , “jaaaaaaaanu!!! Where are youuuuuu!!” is what made that relationship work. I guess even those who do these things might have a reason, maybe they are just insecure……but you know if you expect a relationship to work, you have to base it on more than just attraction, if you want an arm candy, go ahead, but if there’s even an ounce of possible commitment involved then, baby, u got to put in the effort, that would be much better than going around for a week or two only to look away when faced with that person anywhere. When I stop seeing someone, I want to remember that time I spent with him as a wonderful rendezvous, even if short but meaningful, it’s better to be friends afterwards than to ask yourself, “I was dating THIS??!!!” well yeah, so I was saying (or was going to), anyways, I went out on Sunday with C., for his birthday treat, great Italian food, well and a little more, it was nice, we’ve always connected anyways na, so we can waise bhi pick from wherever it is that we left off, I finally got a chance to wear that black dress I had borrowed, so either way I don’t dress up too often so it felt nice, but didn’t wear the contacts, on special request, since people take pleasure in referring to me as CHASHMISH!!............ this is what we had once fought about, long ago, I would get angry and he’d say he liked me better with glasses ……weird relationship I tell you. It takes time to build something like that, where people look beyond what you look like and like the way they feel around you and that’s what counts…….hmmm I know and I am trying.

Monday, August 20, 2007

..............filmy

lal mere dil ka haal hai,
lagta tumpe kamaal hai,
yeh khat nahi sawaal hai,
kya subhash ghai ki picture taal hai??

okay okay sry sry. i am really very bored!!!
but i maintain my stand abt the RED!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

The laws

Laws of Love, Which lay down who is to be loved by whom, and how much. Actually, it isn’t a law, a theorem, because those have some basis. It is an axiom. No reason, no argument, just that it is.

at this point the question is does reciprocity make the difference it is vouched to make? i dont know, i like someone who doesnt, while someone else likes me and i dont seem to, so life is this complex mess........u get what u deserve in life...maybe thats why u arent here.

Friday, August 17, 2007

u are bad!!!

Hmm so the question of the day is:

What is your man?


My man, I am proud to say, is intelligent and very thoughtful; although he is super smart he is one of the most caring individuals I have come across. So lets see now, I think( and know), that he is very cute and very sweet, I think of him when I read somewhere, “ Handsome is as handsome does!!”, so now you know who “Mr. Handsome” is. So taking inspiration from Linda Goodman, I can safely say that, jumping around and partying is not what you’d expect him to be doing; if you haven’t met him and are looking for him, just for the info, look in the corner, he is the cute smiley guy, in the green shirt who speaks to you when spoken to, so you walk up to him, and say hello, don’t expect him to give you a bear hug, he wont be overly friendly, but just the optimum amount, just as he does things. Now, don’t assume that he is one of those snobbish, cold people who think you aren’t good enough for him, it’s not that. It’s true that he takes his time to open up but that doesn’t mean he won’t be nice to you, once you give him time, he’ll be one of the most concerned people you know, who scold you for not taking care of yourself when ill. Once you know him a little bit, it’ll be clear that yes this guy can keep to himself and not always be ha-ha-hee-hee, but he can also be great company, one of those who crack you up with silly jokes and hilarious “jelly-belly” impressions. I give him a lot of nicknames, on and off, for no reason whatsoever, and am very pleased to find that now I get a lalloo in return sometimes. He is the good boy who brings lunch from home and dutifully finishes it, he likes bhindi (which seems unnatural to me since I can only possibly eat the vegetable for survival sake), he doesn’t like reading books but will read if you bug him enough (ha ha, I succeeded!), he can’t imagine life without his family, he’ll call you back or meet you if he has said he will (pakka promise!!), although his hair is giving him trouble these days, I like it this way too. Oh yeah, if you say to him that he is bad, he’ll look at you intensely and ask you why, so be careful cause when he gives you that look !

By the way he is not all these things to me because I like him,
But I like him because he is all this (minus the bhindi!)

So I know that I could have kept all this to myself, not have said anything, but then nothing would have changed then too, so doesn’t make a difference, what I say, since I say SO much!!

So hope you get “MY OPINION” now,

Ehem, ankur, do not give me that look, love u very much and that won’t change, ever.

So there, enough for today, hope people get well soon enough cause it’s hard to function without optimum amounts of vitamin D.
No college on Monday, so nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!!!

Hum Rajput hote hain,
Par kucch log hamesha sote hain.

Get well soon.

- hum!!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

today........eeeeeeeeeee!

bad bad day today, the only good part was the paneer roll i had at the end of the day and even that is wearing off now, i know how the drunk people might feel when the DARU wears off.
BAD!!!!!

so since people are ill and not showing up,i feel ewww!~

bored of classes,
i made a list today:

dont deny, its true:

Why he doesnt/ cant like me:

1. i talk too much

2. i dont exactly look like Ms.WORLD !!

3. i call him sadu in public

4. i am a blunt person and he is a diplomat

5. i like him and i make it too clear.

6. i tell him when i dont like his shirt.

7. on 14.8.07, i made him wait for 2 hours and didnt even say sorry.

8. i call him kanjoos in spite of the fact that its not true.

9. i am not the typical girl.

10. i hate weekends coz i cant see him and that makes me obssesive compulsive, i guess, and people dont date people who are psychos.

11. i dont get jealous easily.

12. i like him, perhaps a lil too much for my own good!!

see, i told u so!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

independence!!

hullo hullo

so update, my cough and cold still persist....and looks like other people are catching up with me too, so i can only hope that i pass on the LOVE too......eee i am bad, i wish EVERYbody gets better real soon, and as for me, i am hopeless and hence cannot be expectd to change in any way....

so HAPPY independence!!!!!!! ehem, dont give me that expression and dont look too happy, i am here only!!

had a nice start to the week, i have the sweetest frends i tell you,

akhil - puts up with me no matter what, listens to my banter and still stays with me in spite of the fact that almost the whole of atta believes him to be my DUKHIYARA PATI

harish - one of the most intelligent people i know, and still hangs out with me.......do i need to say more??...well i personally think he SHOULD have his own talk show, he's the best OPRAH!!

Priya - the coolest girl in AMITY, no no in the whole of NCR!!....................we have the best
discussions ranging from men in uniform to complex trigonometry.....the latter seems to last a much shorter time.....she understands the chaddi man thing, and although he's waiter-ly now, that he is EVER CUTE!

Ankur – hmmm, lets me boss him around, listens to me with patience, often gets dragged to E2 but tries his best to hide his disapproval.

Ishan – even though I keep bombarding him with weird pet names, and badgering him with new shirt requests every day, he still hangs around and lets me be ME, everything according to him is MY OPINION….uffff……more about that LATER!!

So love all of u people verry much!!

So back to college tomorrow,
Time to be melodramatic again, as people put it.
For now, the blue sms light on my mobile is blinking again,
And the world’s a better place again!

Cough cough,
Catch u later then,
Ciao,
Adieu (yup, French is on!!)
S.

Monday, August 13, 2007

VOICES.............

voices in my head,
chanting, 'kisses, bread.
prove yourself. fight. shove,
learn. earn. look for love,'

drown a lesser voice,
silent now of choice:
'breathe in peace, and be
still, for once, like me.'

Friday, August 10, 2007

cough, cold and LOVE!!

hello

well today was hectic, not feeling very well,: ( …..i mean mentally great but physically, bad.

After my last post which was about you knw the usual stuff, had a little talk with ankur, ankur is perhaps the only person who gives me realistic feedbacks on my posts, however bad or good they might be. Yeah, about my last post, Ankur feels that it was possibly a little too prominent, hmmm, to put my feelings out on the table and all, well I guess that’s where me and ankur differ, we might be thinking the same thing, at the same time, but we have completely different perspectives, I know I know that when you like someone, let the eyes speak and all, and this is my take on it, I like him, my feelings are at stake, if I want something, I NEED to make the effort na , for me to understand someone better and vice versa, conversing is my only option. That’s what happens I guess when for the longest time you want people to understand you, and they cease to, because you didn’t say anything, then in that case, those who do GET you, become so important to you that all you are afraid of is to lose those very people, I don’t know but this is the only way I learnt to connect, ever.

Hmmm, waise come to think of it, eyes do speak, very much, actually the past two days, eyes are all that I have STUDIED, that’s it!! To look into those eyes, even for a second is ………………… no comments. I don’t know about my eyes, although someone did point out once that I my eyes were well..different…too brown and all, so I suppose that meant something nice, but those eyes are a completely different story.

So as above mentioned, very ill, Akhil asked me what happened to me, and I said,” cough, cold and LOVE.” Ehem, yeah apparently the above mentioned do NOT affect my sense of humor (if any!). I was at the gate today when I was beckoned to the cafĂ©, and I went, yeah yeah, I DITCHED my friends and went!......but I went, don’t give me dirty looks please, I know it was wrong, but then its like chocolate, it might not be good for u, but its sooooo good. and it was also crazy that I covered the distance again(gate to d block), but then this isn’t really the first time, I distinctly remember that one Monday morning, after having climbed 8 sets of stairs to get to the 4th floor, only to spot someone and go back down to climb the 4th floor again…. DO not give me THAT look.

Harish is haiku-ing about me now, he’s good.

Yeah so back to now, I enter the house and kishore kumar’s sweet voice asks me, “kya yehi pyaar hai?” ya like I would know!! Then he answers himself, “ haan yehi pyaar hai!”, and my opinion doesn’t matter to kishore da very much, but since it fits my situation, he adds a quick:

“ dil tere bin kahin lagta nahin,
waqt guzarta nahi!!”

so ok I know I am getting THAT look from ankur, but its me yaar, not your typical girl now am I?, I cannot sharma-o and all, be practical life is too short to waste cribbing and waiting, if you want someone, get off your behind and do something.

Prakhar has gone to far-far chandigarh, I miss you bhaiyya!.

So here I am, struggling a stupid cold, besides other things, waiting for Monday…. Banking on Kishore Kumar for comfort, and now he picks another one, that fits the bill, so thankyou all the people who are all around me, caring and not stopping ever!
Also kishore da thanx a ton,

And YOU,

“suno naa”

love,
me,
the same old, chup chup me. He he.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

thinking...

Hey you.

Had a nice red t-shirt discussion with SOMEONE, he says red wont suit him, I beg to differ but I guess that’s just me, but I really do think red would go great with the personality.

NANO gang is back to college, and life’s great again!!………………………plus side of everything E1 and E2 are connected, yay!

There are people around me who think that I am possibly chasing dream which is near Impossible, and although they do this bcoz they care for me and are great frends, I do not think I will stop, the point here being that “no dreams are greater than those which come true!!”, so here I am and this is my dream and I so hope that it comes true, I hope so.

And yeah, remember, A PASSION THAT DOESN’T CONSUME IS HARDLY WORTH HAVING!

There’s a lot to say, but don’t know how, so now I’ll just leave u with this,
When do I think of you: -

1.When I see someone wearing “your” green.

2.When someone calls me after they say they would, that’s so you!

3.When I hear Bryan Adams.

4.Every time my phone rings.

5.When someone calls my frantic timetable writing habit, SINCERE.

6.RAHUL DRAVID…. need I say more??

7.When my friends tell me to stop grinning like an idiot (yes, I am an idiot too!)

8.ALWAYS.

But do you realize that the most we say to each other always is either a sorry or a thank you?

Very weird, must say.

So that’s it for now,

Will come back later,

Lalloo (the new name I acquired)

Monday, August 6, 2007

confused.. . .

as people tend to put it, i am big time dazed and confused, whereever i am, no matter what i am doing, i am confused as hell. actually what i AM confused about is people, not my feelings towards them, but people, those who dont seem to be what they are or cover up their sweet nice selves just bcoz others expect them to.

but every now and then, u meet a bunch of people who form a connection with you that there is no need to pretend, no requirement to be pretentious for you are liked and loved for just being YOU.

"thats basically it, no need to say stuff coz the other person gets what u might say if u wud at all, its ok to speak for hours at lenght on the phone and still have more to say but in person struggle to find ur words, all cz its okay.

coz u can wear ur green shirt, and i can be happy thinking its for me, whatever the truth might be.when i fondly narrate this to those around me, they give me a look, one that seems to say "its great that u are happy, but u do know that he's just trying to make u happy, it may as well be charity!", and then u flash into my mind, and i know that my friend would never do that to me.
for whatever the reason may be, i see in ur eyes the hope that i look forward to every morning, in the bus, in class....i know its just me, but it works so i go along with it. and yeah, THAT look is definitely worth bunking a couple of classes for.sometimes i think that if i just sit there, not having to look away, effortlessly surveying your face, i wudnt mind blending into the surroundings, to not be noticed anymore... "



MISTAKEN
I smiled at you because I thought that
you
Were someone else; you smiled back;
and there grew
Between two strangers in a library
Something that seemed like love; but you
loved me
(If that's the word) because you thought
that I
Was other than I was. And by and by
We found we'd been mistaken all the
while
From that first glance, that first mistaken
smile.

Friday, August 3, 2007

happy days r here again!

Hello, hello.

Hmmm….. now now I have been verrry busy indeed,
Well busy and kind of happy, ehem, two things do that to me, among others,
No.1 ehem ehem……….. u know who (not voldemort!!) and No.2 SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!!

He he , well shopped with akhil and harish on Thursday, they moved into a new PG and had to shop for home stuff, bed linen and all…….well not that I enjoy that kind of shopping very much, but the guys I tell you, are INCAPABLE of it….seriously, ok its like this, akhil = no bargain whatsoever!!.....we went to this shop to buy bed sheets, so there we are looking for single bed sheets and pillow covers, and every bed sheet I pick out, Harish rejects ( “ VERRRY GIRLY!!”, ehem , “NO COMMENTS” if Akhil picks out white ones with little pink flowers!! ), so they zero in on a brown bed sheet (“ew ew”) and the shopkeeper proclaims Rs.225, and I give him a dirty look, then he asks us how much we are willing to pay, I turn to akhil, and Akhil, the great, says, “ hum 200 se ek rupya zyada nahin deinge!!”, ehem ehem, get it now??

So we finally did that, threatened a few street vendors and bought a lot of stuff!! , harish bought beautiful black and white pillow covers, but sadly we couldn’t find a matching bed sheet and Harish bought a cacti print sheet, NO COMMENT…. But he was so bored at the end of it that I don’t blame him.

So today, went and bought my books from Delta, then mum wanted me to go to Sarojini , for something, begged Akhil to go along and he said yes, so went and did mummy ka kaam, Akhil wanted to buy some t-shirts, so went from shop to shop, so at the end of it he bought 3 weird band-wali t-shirts,(after a lot of fighting I tell u), and I MADE him buy a red polo t-shirt, hmmm, poor guy I blackmailed him, so successfully gave akhil a makeover, you see we were( actually I was), going for the CHADDI MAN look(not literally)….so thankyou CM for being our/my inspiration, hmm, then went and hastily bought the chappals I’ve been eyeing for a couple of months now, YAY!!, plus bought a bag that’s the in thing at Amity nowadays… feels good. Good fun. Couldn’t buy a belt par bacchu there are going to be more trips!! Also PEOPLE tell me now that I am a “cofidAnt shopper” and how much they hate shopping, well the reason I like shopping is because I can boss around and then people listen to me, he he, but if u try it its fun!!

Hmm about feeling good, my goodness factor comes back on Monday!! , so I hope its good for SOMEONE too, and yeah that’ll make college better!!

Its been raining for 2 days now, and the Amity basement is waterlogged, so everyday we “swim” to the aero lab, and today was tonnes of fun, felt like a beach…nice.

Rains are great, its great to leave home every morning, to float among a sea of umbrellas to get to wherever it is that you are headed to, to spot someone under one such umbrella, someone who looks like someone who if it were them, would have given you a lot of happiness, but I guess the thought does too. For two days now this same thing has happened to me, and I like it really.. In the bus, in the rickshaw, I spot people all of sudden and get too happy, but then I strikes me NO it couldn’t be, and it isn’t, but it feels good.

I know I know, gone crazy.
So catch ya later, alligator!

S.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

sunshine all over.

Hey you.

Well yeah it’s been some time since I met u now, na??
Well things are going okay here, not too bad, there are certainly some bright spots, and sunshine revisits often!!

College is nice, akhil, me, harish and priya hang together all the time, but since we are nice, SANE people, we don’t label ourselves “Da gang” or put up pictures on orkut reading “Me and MA frenz in DA INSTI”…….eeeeeeesh!

You know, I cant point it out but classes are very dull now, subjects maybe, but since there’s aero, its got to be nice yaar, but its not working, maybe it’s the absence of nano people, I miss them a lot….u don’t know how much.

These days ankur and me try to keep each other company, he misses Richa while I yearn to be with the nano log, it works out for us, suddenly in a boring class one day, Ankur and me were...well…bored….and then since we were discussing our NOT-SO-GOOD love lives, and owing to the fact that our prospective partners do not seem to reciprocate our feelings, we decided to run away and get married, but then running away was too much effort, so we thought lets get married in class, no rings?, exchange watches, and then, by god, we fought like crazy, “tum yeh nahi karte, tum who nahi karte……..”, “sedhe ghar aana”… so I know its rubbish but keeps me and ankur occupied in fluid mech classes, and priya plays tie-breaker!!

FINALLY, akhil gave his treat, and all of us went to this place, had lots of fun, literally burnt a HOLE in his pocket, and can’t write more on that.

Monday was the best, nothing much said, nothing much heard but it was great, the whole morning was spent grinning like an idiot, in the Electronics lab, Harish asked for a pair of vernier calipers to measure my smile (yes we ARE a bunch of geeks and proud of it!!) and then PEOPLE come and tell me, “tu badi depressed hai!!”, ehem well saying goodbye isn’t my favorite thing you know!! But yes, thanks for Monday, SOMEBODY :)

Phew, what else??
Ummm……… I took French for foreign language; the class seemed like a bloody fish market, must say that our class is much better than these hooligans.
Speaking of foreign language….. Learnt the essential, “take off your shirt” in Spanish. Something’s are priceless in life…I tell you.