Saturday, October 20, 2007

then..and NOW.......

a couple of months ago, i put up the following verse by vikram seth.....i still love it, but then i was assured that its one of those ideal things that never happen, or even if they do, then not to me.i debated the equity mentioned, for i was certain that in my case reciprocation never existed.......

"Half out of sleep I watch your sleeping face.
Behind your eyelids' restlessness I see
A dream that waking may not quite displace.
If there were equity you'd dream of me."

but now, well now now is different, unbelievably different........i know now that what i feel is reciprocated. that i wake up every morning and think about u, somewhere, u too are thinking about me.
that now i can love u knowing that u love me back.
i know love does not depend on whether or not it is mutual.but trust me, love is definitely better that way...and much easier.

so thankyou.

Friday, October 12, 2007

dance dance baby!!

i know i know its been sumtime and a LOT been happening so .........well i am here now na.

so i went to see this dance performance thing yesterday, kuchipudi performance....see i didnt really want to go, but had to since the oldies needed someone.... now the thing is that the lady they were going to see is someone i absolutely detest, on the only occassion that i had met her, 2 years ago, i had gone from disiking to hating her, she yells at anyone in sight and i am sure she hasnt really smiled since the 1980's................. but then i looked at her more closely, people coming and greeting her, but not a smile, just a flicker of recognition. in that one moment i saw how alone she was, what i felt for that woman then was not hate anymore but rather be surrounded by people but still be up on that pedestal, unable to connect with a single soul, to have disconected to yourself so far off from people, from life that you cant feel anything anymore, not even grief.............she may have the money, but whats the use of it.....if you cant wake up with someone to share it every morning?? live with the realization hat u will die alone with no one to care abt, no one to care about you. i dont know if i like her any better, but i feel sorry for her, for she misses out on the everyday things, she never married so she has no immediate home(she has a big apartment though!!), the only living relations she has, she doesnt talk to anymore......clearly she has no friends, for if she did, the real kind would have given her a tight slap and have surely stuck around.

its people like this, the high class variety, who make u realise that yes, u may be missing the material stuff in life, u may have to make a couple of cuts here and there but u live and boy isnt it fun!!!!...think ,u have no hassles in having gol gappas at a roadside stall,where the bhayya dunks his entire forearm into the sour sweet water.......u are free of all the wierd inhibitions, if u turn up somewhere and are in the same clothes as someone else, u laugh and its okay.....these people i believe, have a nervous breakdowN!!...i could see it yesterday.....hmm, call me naive and young and all, but i see what i see, i see no reason to suck up to these idiots just coz they have the money, coz in the end, u have something they dont.....a life, ur life!!.one where u can make mistakes, fall down, and those around u will support where u can make grave mistakes, and still rectify them,one filled with love, love of the people who love u as much as u love them, sometimes even more, people who understand who u are and ur worst fears, people who dont label u chicken coz u cant do sumthing......PEOPLE who hold ur hand while crossing the road!!.

i love my life, i love you!(touchwood)

Friday, October 5, 2007

College….atta…..McDonald’s….great India place….Nirula’s… (People)…..CSM….atta.
A walk to remember……………………………

That’s all I am going to say, so going now, oddly intuitive that Ankur is going to put all these feelings of mine into words……what then??

Cannot say more, afraid that I’ll say too much………u figure out.


Tuesday, October 2, 2007

to anuj..........

And through it all
he offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call he won't
forsake me
and I'm loving angels instead

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! without u would be impossible, really!.love u lots!