Thursday, December 31, 2009


I walked last night, with my old friend
Past the old house where we first met.
The moon shone, and the path was wet
No one passed by us as we strolled
Though hand in hand
We did not speak. Our hands grew cold.

We did not deal in words or tears
At the dead light we did not rage
What change had crept through our forked years
We did not have the will to gauge.

And thus emotions become hesitant and uncertain, the present situation leads to past memories . . . and the end is an acceptance of the designs of life, and its obstructions.

Goodbye 2009. You take along both sorrow and joy, and leave behind remembrance.

Happy new year.

Thursday, December 17, 2009


so yes, here, 17 days before my birthday, I have rung in milestone year-21 in a friends-tantra-dance-beer-vodka bash. well, the vodka/beer weren't for me but anyways, looks like I am 21 :) who'd have thought!

Priya's 22 now, it was her "Paarteh" too you see. (i love u man :) )

more later, now I'll go work towards making sensation return to my feet (sigh...Dancing !!)

p.s.- I tried the whole salt-vodka-lemon wedge thing, looks like I can hold my drink :D

P.P.S-Yeah, I'm gonna stick to Earl Grey (danish & ankur approve! )

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Separate, Equal.

Let me now sleep, let me not think, let me
Not ache with inconsistent tenderness.
It was untenable delight; we are free--
Separate, equal--and if loverless,
Love consumes time which is more dear than love,
More unreplicable. With everything
Thus posited, the choice was clear enough
And daylight ratified our reckoning.

Now only movement marks the birds from the pines;
Now it's dark; the blinded stars appear;
I am alone, you cannot read these lines
Who are with me when no one else is here,
Who are with me and cannot hear my voice
And take my hand and abrogate the choice.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


The tumult in the heart
keeps asking questions.
And then it stops and undertakes to answer
in the same tone of voice.
No one could tell the difference.
Uninnocent, these conversations start,
and then engage the senses,
only half-meaning to.
And then there is no choice,
and then there is no sense;
until a name
and all its connotation are the same.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

piece of, cupcake!!

Apparently I am a cupcake. . .

A dominant, low BP, Alive Cupcake.

don't ask. . . . . .

Sunday, October 25, 2009

I want to honeymoon in Ladakh, I have decided.

I just have.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

love is short, forgetting lasts long.

My life grows tired, hungry to no purpose.
I love what I do not have. You are so far.
My loathing wrestles with the slow twilights.
But night comes and starts to sing to me.

The moon turns its clockwork dream.
The biggest stars look at me with your eyes.
And as I love you, the pines in the wind
want to sing your name with their leaves of wire.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

So I finished reading Chetan Bhagat's latest "2 States : the story of my marriage". now see under normal circumstances I would never appraise Bhagat for his writing skills, but I will definitely give credit, where credit is due. It's a fun read, it gains points for being funny where it loses out on originality.

I am completely biased to this book of his since its about his wife, a tamilian brahmin from chennai. So I can say that the jabs he takes at "my" people are completely justified!!

Also, I have been born and brought up in delhi, so the pot shots taken at "my other people" - the punjabis, are not completely over the top either.

read it, if you have the time, for the one liners. Bollywood should make this one a movie.

Thanks Danish, a good read. Keep 'em coming.

P.s. I went shopping. proper shopping, Bag shoes clothes, the works!! I knw the world celebrates children and mothers, but we need fathers too :)

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Have you noticed how we all fall in love, most of us rather constantly?

Have you also noticed how we fall in love with most impossible people? We don't fall in love with the girl who saves us a seat on the bus, who cares when we fall ill, we don't fall in love with the guy whose world we light up when we merely walk into the room. No, We do not.

But we do fall in love with the man who doesn't know we exist, the man who'll probably never come around to feeling that we do.

You know why we do what we do?


The Laws of Love, Which lay down who is to be loved by whom, and how much. Actually, it isn’t a law, a theorem, because those have some basis. It is an axiom. No reason, no argument, just that it is.

P.s. Can't think of a title for ths one, got any ideas?

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

मृदु मिट्टी के बने हुए हैं
मधु घट फूटा ही करते हैं
लघु जीवन ले कर आए हैं
प्याले टूटा ही करते हैं
फ़िर भी मदिरालय के अन्दर
मधु के घट हैं,मधु प्याले हैं
जो मादकता के मारे हैं
वे मधु लूटा ही करते हैं
वह कच्चा पीने वाला है
जिसकी ममता घट प्यालों पर
जो सच्चे मधु से जला हुआ
कब रोता है चिल्लाता है
जो बीत गई सो बात गई!
In the last two years, I have joined and left Facebook twice. Same with Orkut, I left Hi5! years ago. Don't know what this fixation is, at first things were new, it was fun, or so it seemed, now i find myself getting irritated with the damn thing.

Why do we social network so much anyways? Where is the contentment? It seems that people are putting up photos and coming up with quirky status messages only to vie for others' attention, doesn't sound like an adequate reason.I am confused, along the way, its become hard to differentiate whether people are truly happy or just trying to show someone that they are ?

I want to leave again.

I am leaving again, There's no one there i want to keep in touch with, there's no one whose photos/life interests me, there's no one there.

There's no one there.

P.s.- Its good that i don't develop this feeling towards my blog. Not yet at least.

Monday, September 28, 2009

samosa + jalebi + cholle bhature + kulfi falooda + keventer's milk shake + mom + dad + sister + SHOPPING(for dad but still) !!!

As Rajnikant sang in some crappy hindi movie from the 80's " Aaj sunday hai, aaj sunday haaai....aaj daru peene ka day hai!!"

You get the point!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Tantra, the lounge bar-disco-haunt of many a drunken college kids in Noida gives a reasonable discount to the amity bunch, but based on the way my friends have been frequenting the place in the last month (more like week, but i'll be polite!) The place should hand them Gold membership cards. They seemed to deviate to Elevate recently but in light of a "certain mishap", reverted to Tantra!! Seriously! But yeah Tantra's worth it, I guess we will miss it once we've gotten far far away from Noida.

Nothing else to tell, Aakash is on a road trip to Leh....I know I know, scenic beauty comes to mind when I say Leh..... the open roads, the fresh air, the non-pollution, Nature......I didn't get a chance to do that, cause before i heard road trip i heard the words "my friend's Bike" blended in nonchalantly.

BIKE = MOTORCYCLE, and when Aakash says bike, that would imply he shall be driving the damn thing through the mountains....... did you not hear, AAKASH PARASHER, bike, Ladakh, Leh, Srinagar, Kargil?!?

Parasher, you better not die!!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Distressful Homonyms

since for me now you have no warmth to spare
i sense i must adopt a sane and spare

philosophy to ease a restless state
fueled by this uncaring. it will state

a very meager truth: love like the rest
of our emotions, sometimes needs a rest.

happiness, too, no doubt; and so, why even
hope that 'the course of true love' could run even?

Following the genius of Seth's Poetry ardently, still!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

So I was best friends with him for, what felt like such a long time, you would say it was some years, 5 years, maybe 6....but it feels like a million moments, a million happy moments, some of the happiest in my life. I never thought of him as a guy, never felt romantically attracted to him (I guess i was the only girl who didn't), I thought of him as an extension to myself, the cool self assured extension that is.

We had known each other our entire lives, me as that guy from my class, the popular one, him as that girl from my class, the one with the pigtails, but we really hit it off in class 9th, somehow, god knows how. It began over some history notes i guess, he called home to remind me to get them along, I told him i remembered and then we giggled. That was the first of innumerable more phone calls, sometimes it felt like i spent half of the years 2003-2006 on the phone!! We'd talk, sometimes seriously, sometimes quipping over people we knew and the things they did. He got my irrational fears, he let me cry, always and bloody hell, did i cry always! We also laughed all the time, about something or the other, That one time about Nothing at all, for about 40 minutes.

We never fought, ever.

Maybe we should have, atleast we'd have learnt how to cope with it, we fought once and it has lasted forever, it is my fault, i stopped being a friend along the way. I forgot how to be the friend, and never re-learnt it.I stopped being there for him. The only thing i gathered along the way is how to hate my self a little more.

I know he is only a phone call away, I can call him,I should call him. He will be the same guy, he will be there for me, but the thought gnaws at my soul, inch by inch, The thought that I'll never be the friend again, that it'll never be the same again, that i broke something so precious. Maybe it is an excuse, maybe I just don't want to make the effort, but I can't look myself in the eye. I can't cause more pain and cause more damage than I've already done, The relationship I called the most important in my life, is not mine to ruin anymore.

Before, it was the relationship I couldn't put into words, now it is this dreadful feeling that clenches my throat and makes me face the fact that i am ashamed of myself, that i'll never respect myself again.

Everyone told me I was in love with him, but I loved him yes but never romantically, but maybe I should have been,a break up with a boyfriend is easier than breaking up with A friend, it is breaking away a part of yourself, but I did it anyways. As a consequence, as a punishment, I have stopped being a friend to anyone,I no longer capable of complete committed emotions, I don't embark on that journey since I know that I'll fail, I fail the relationship, I'll fail the emotion, Myself - I have already failed.

"I am so sorry, I am so sorry. I hope you don't think of me anymore, I hope you have written me out of your life. I hope you hate me so much that you don't even think about me once or that over the years I become someone you knew, who was a part of your life, who died....because that is what happened."


Saturday, September 12, 2009

Bye, see you.

Two days ago, this classmate of mine from school passed away in a car crash, it was so surreal to hear cause i had just seen him the day before in college, i saw him and i never said hello, i saw him and walked by him because i was too busy.

Don't you think we go through life, never realizing the impact of something like this, the concept of mortality is lost on us. . . that is, until it happens to one of us.

Rest in peace, Gurnek. Bye.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

super saturday

well firstly it is so interesting to see that the advertising guys are doing such a good job coming up with the nicest ad's, the most hilarious one i have seen is for a men's "unmentionable" :P - it shows men being complete pansies, under a woman's control, getting hit on and being harassed with statements like "har jagah aadmiyon ko cheda jata hai, jaise ghar mein baap bhai na hon!!" finally the guy went to a temple (with ghanti and all) and asked "kyun bhagwaan kyun!!" and god gave him macho BANIAN and aha macho man!! :P

i know i know Cheap thrills, but in a banian less world, i would like to chedo a few "ITEMS".... but i think priya and I already do that!!

so we had a pasta soiree today, invitees-priya ankur akhil aakash. pasta wasnt too great, company was! arre it was nice yaar, its been a long time. :P(i didn't go to college on friday after all)

and yes till the aakash cuts the mop growing on his head, i shall be referring to the hair as a separate entity- A Miss Marion Gray, an eccentric "ageing" club singer struggling to get by and inviting criticism from one and all, her life is lonely, she was a beauty in her youth, her only loyal fan is aakash parasher. . . i like Miss Marion, i liked her better before so will get her the elixir of youth(will go from the local barber to Mr.Jawed Habib!!)

Nautanki enough! i am going now, just dont say the words, cheese mayo or pasta for the next two days.
okay you can say cheese after a day.
. may say cheese after an hour.
!!! chal McVeggie khate hain!!....with cheese of course, Write it! McVeggie goes with cheese, they're like Danish and Sarcasm, Pandey and Propulsion, Ankur and "not drinking".....Tarnacha and BLT!!......don't you dare separate them, they are NOT and Juliet, Shakespeare and satire, Oscar Wilde and chick lit or My nani and the concept of personal space !!

Write it.

Friday, September 4, 2009

I want to....

be able to drink and forget everything and dance on tables....but i can't.

be able to break the routine...but i can't.

to be late.

just sit there staring,silent, without a hundred thoughts in my head.

not ache over little things.

Hazaaron khwaishen aisi.............

Friday, August 28, 2009

आदतन तुमने कर दिए वादे

आद्तान हमने ऐतबार किया . .

hmm, why do i even listen to u!!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Singin in the rain....

the only thing that can make the last class on a friday evening worthwhile is crazy rain (apart from tanzy taking the class :P)

so yes, it rained cats and dogs yesterday, and yes we got drenched. and yes, it was great, priya, ankur, akhil and I, being mad in the rain, just like we usually do, did a little rain dance and went to eat at the cafe.

doesnt maggi taste great in the rain!!

i hope we always have this. just us, a little mad, always in love.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

happy Independence day ... well I played cricket with neighborhood boys, needless to say it is the only time i really feel like such a girl. :)

Friday, August 14, 2009

. . . write

From now on, clearly, using words that cost

Less torment both to your reader and to you.

p.s.- For the 200 posts on this blog, some regretted, some re-read. And for those who occasionally stop by :)

p.p.s- I finally saw Love Aaj Kal, loved it. Immediately called up prakhar and bullied him into watching it, also had a heart-to-heart about life, love and much/mush else...again!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Lunch On A Skyscraper

"I know better than to presume permanence in relationships."

I told you so!!

Saturday, August 1, 2009

And she too passed. . . . .to join the brimming river.

1919 - 2009

Friday, July 31, 2009

emotions, thus recollected

Anesthetized by years

I think of you today

. . . Still worth my present while.

no advice,
the company will suffice.

So show up soon,
bring ice cream. we'll talk.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

of ten minute meetings

mental note :

1. do not encourage impromptu plans with him

2. do NOT sit on a bike he is "driving"

3. do not miss Tarnacha's class to go meet him

P.s. -This "He" is a friend of mine, Cynical, abstract and a much better guy than he thinks he is. but still he should be kept away from bikes!!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Now, I really do not know why people drink... but I can write a paper on why people dance!

yes, we went to tantra today. no, it wasn't Akhil's birthday treat (that one's next week :P)

But I am still wondering about why people drink.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

So We'll Go No More A-Roving

So we'll go no more a-roving
So late into the night,
Though the heart still be as loving,
And the moon still be as bright.

For the sword outwears its sheath,
And the soul outwears the breast,
And the heart must pause to breathe,
And love itself have rest.

Though the night was made for loving,
And the day returns too soon,
Yet we'll go no more a-roving
By the light of the moon.

this one by Lord Byron, caught my eye in a very boring Aircraft Maintenance class, looks like Lord Byron was thinking like me, way back in 1817 !

Monday, July 27, 2009

the newsletter is out, to take things to the extreme, this is how holding a baby must feel like, in this case a baby which has taken 11 months to show up!!

well this has taken so much effort, time, self doubt and trips to the 6th floor, I can't really imagine the original baby process being too difficult...(i didn't say labor, i said baby!)

still, whoohoooooooooo!

Friday, July 24, 2009

to think, and to be

i wonder now,
of those who choose to die,
does death offer them the satisfaction
that life denies ?

Saturday, July 11, 2009

accepted and rejected

If bitterness there is, still there was love,

What you and I have shared reminds me of

These plums that we will separately eat

For all their sourness, they are wild and sweet.


And complains that she is ignored, unloved

Her blood pressure is high, her spirits low.

She is not allowed to eat gulabjamuns.


Friday, July 10, 2009

You really can't help those who don't give a damn . You can try, and fail, but atleast you tried.

ALL in a day's work!

Thursday, July 9, 2009


His presence makes

Our hearts blossom like rosebuds and our eyes shine,

Like torches.

To delight or remind or suggest or console

How we must both have changed;
Only the custom stays,
Educing from the past,
The undying days.

We talk only
Of us, only of us and what went wrong.
Curious, I suppose to note how our rich strong
Companionship has thinned to this lament.

A fellow traveller.

I had always hoped somehow, sometime, somewhere,
I'd meet someone like you, I also deemed
Such visions built on Vodka and on air.
Well today is my last day at the office, and surprisingly today is also the only day when i was really psyched about coming here, i got up promptly at 7.30, scrubbed myself squeaky clean, got dressed, had breakfast, all by 8.30 and then drummed my fingers innecessantly on the table to pass time. . . er? yeah.

So all the way from home P.G. to office, i have been clicking useless pictures of everything I see, (give the girl a camera and this is what u get!) and I finally gave that up when a cow I was trying to click, refused to pose and grunted instead, that was the end of my Annie leibovitz ambitions. Here in office boss-man and taklu have already asked me twice wether its my last day, aww, they're nice guys and I am glad that I am leaving !!

so see you Bangalore,
I am sure I'll come again,
but for now it's back to Delhi - back HOME!!


p.s.- I must be growing up, since I am not starting phone conversations with friends by saying, "did u die or something yesterday ?"

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Office Chronicles

the office is a magical place, since there is so much free time that a loose train of thought can actually form and take you on an eerie trip to places you thought you had locked away in that head of yours and thrown the key away. but more on that later.

So its Akhil's birthday today, so Happy birthday, love! I wish we were all there to celebrate the day and prevent you from vegging out in front of the TV, watching news and updating us on the same later. But I am sure we'll PAAARTY once we all get there, so is it going to be Ruby tuesday again? :P

So here's to Akhil . Initially mistaken as Akhilese, the man with "killer" looks and these days Vividh Bharati, whose love for me never diminishes, even though I by and large make his life hell, Who is probably the only man in the world I can fight with and follow it with "so lunch?". For I love you, man and always will (that is if you are my constant companion in Sarojini trips, oh kidding, you know you'll have to go to Atta too!).

Clunk. (champagne flutes clinking. :)

So in other news, it is my second last day at work, ah the sweet voice of me that I'll be able to hear in two days, during 9-6 that is!. The boss is hyperactively jumping around, pretending to be oh so busy, and his work-wife, lovingly called Taklu (by me!) has decided to learn the nuances of kannada.

Let me tell you more about Taklu, he's a punjabi chap, not married I assume since his mom calls him twice a day, he did once refer to me as Shivani...He and my boss have a committed relationship, They share a wall, and the love trancends all barriers.Taklu speaks french and the boss-man doesn't,they're currently teaching each other their language. They converse in half sentences, which one begins and the other ends. Aww.The language of love.

(by the way it was taklu who conveyed the tragic passing of Michael Jackson to the boss-man, and was inturn his shoulder to cry upon)

The HR department has informed me that I shall get my letter tommorow, or their exact words were, " tom-aah-row, tom-aah-row, we have a raaaather standard f-aah-rmat for trainees. yesyes, tom-aah-row!".

whoohoo, toom-aah-row it is !

Hmm So I woke up at 8.21 am for a workday which starts at 9 am. To think it ends in 2 days. :)

p.s. As I type this, one of the "men" around me are using Ponds dreamflower talcum powder, again the pink one.


It is after all so easy to shatter a story. To break a chain of thought. To ruin a fragment of a dream being carried around carefully like a piece of porcelain.

To let it be, to travel with it, as he did, is much the harder thing to do.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

miss chamko

"arre suniye, Miss Chamko?!"
Baar baar, lagataar,
khushboodaar, jhaagwala,
(pack ke saath chammach free hai, ting tong)
- S.
p.s. - for those of u who recall that I was initially reffered to as Ms.Chamko on my blog. :P

Monday, July 6, 2009

As i got up to leave my cubicle, I cast a momentary glance around the dull room, and my eye caught a sight which will undoubtedly make me grin all day long.

the man in the adjacent cubicle using chapstick, the pink variety.

go on, react.

To a friend...

"Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success, flat stretches of boring routine, and valleys of frustration and failure.”

For some the valleys of frustration seem longer,
but then their summits are higher too.
You know who you are, just remember not to forget that. :)


Sunday, July 5, 2009

Sane / Insane ? who knows!

well its my last Monday at work, and strangely this place is a whole lot emptier today, i mean theres no one in my cubicle, uske saath wala cubicle, uske saath wala, and uske saath wala cubicle.. hmmm. strange, wonder what the geeks are upto today?

Spent the weekend lazying around and "welcoming" new roommate. Spoke to Parasher on and off,that was interesting. Also wasted money on a useless Danielle Steel (which i finished last night at 2.30, what a waste of time/money/hope), also bought a book of love poems- dirt cheap and "invested" in cosmopolitan and instyle UK, picked up some stuff for the sister.

I was reading a couple of my previous posts on this blog, those from over a year ago and it only affirmed the fact that everything seemed so much bigger then, so much more important, every picture was always a little hazy, hence more beautiful. You know the only thing that has changed at all in these years is my perspective, all those things are still the same, its me who has done an about turn, sometimes for the better, some other times with destructive results. It still amazes me.

I have suddenly developd this strange feeling, it feels like the walls are closing in on me, and I wan't nothing but to run away, but wherever I go, there I am. I run mostly from myself than from others, and yeah, well thats it.

hmm now I almost wish the cubicles around me were occupied, it's easier to lose oneself in a sea of people.

damn it, I'll run one of these days. I'll atleast JOG.


Friday, July 3, 2009

The bad mood - II

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?
50 bucks I guess. :(

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
Mor ?

4. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?

5. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
Anything as long as it isn’t clubbed under the BHANGRA MEETS HIP HOP genre.

6. What are you wearing right now?
Not a smile, definitely. Damn u boss!

7. Do you label yourself?
Hmm… :P I do label myself SHRILL at times.

8. Name the brand of the shoes you currently own?
Is Sarojini Nagar streetwear a brand?

9.Bright or Dark Room?

I am a creature of the night……na who am I kidding, I sleep at 10 but I like a dark
room, yes.

10. What does your watch look like?
I am sorry to sound painstakingly redundant, but it looks like a watch.

12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Chatting with someone.Playing antakshari on gtalk :P

13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
Idea aapke liye laya hai………………………. (I have no life!)

14. What’s a word that you say a lot?
Damn it…..wait those are two words, aren’t they. Damn it!

15. Who told you he/she loved you last

16. Last furry thing you touched? eh?
I stay away from furry things, ewe .

17. Favourite age you have been so far?
Now’s great.(touchwood)

18. What was the last thing you said to someone? in person?
To the Boss :Yes sir……Yes sir……Sure sir…….(while thinking to myself– Ullu ka pattha!)

19.The last song you listened to?
Adjacent cubicle guy’s carnatic ringtone .

20. Where did you live in 1987?
Does this question apply to those born in 1989?

21. Are you jealous of anyone?

22. Is anyone jealous of you?
Na I don’t think so.

23. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
Lip gloss, my spectacles, smile.

24. What’s your favourite town/city?

25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
Does a desperate cry for help on a tissue count?

26. Can you change the oil on a car?
Na re.

27. Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
I heard his voice, last night when I was on the phone with him.

28. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
Headache.heartache.the usual.

29.What is your current desktop picture?
Yellow and red maple trees.

30. Have you been burnt by love?
Maybe.I guess so, but then who hasn’t?

Thursday, July 2, 2009

the bad mood- Part I

my problem? my problem? you know what my problem is?
My Problem is :
  1. Grown men using sms lingo all the time. "enuf is enuf" and who says muzik??
  2. People asking me what my "good name" is?. . . sir, I don't have a good name, I do however, have a name, can I tell you that?
  3. Men in V-Neck pull overs, acid washed jeans, wearing gold chains, flashing their N-series "dabba sized" phones with bluetooth and carnatic music ringtones all in the name of "Friday Casual dressing"
  4. People who say stuff like " I like to walk in the rain coz then no one can see my tears", I would like to punch such people in the face and let them out in the rain. Jaa ro le.
  5. Women who cringe when I say what the fuck and give me a look which says, " Swati please, that is so inappropriate." WTF!
  6. Also women who belive "sex and the city" is in all probability a porn movie, and when you enquire if they have it claim that "we don't watch such things."
  7. My boss. who thinks he is a stud and should invest in a deoderant / talcum powder And who should now recover from the Death of Michael Jackson. Last week he heard the news and sat glued to the chair for 10 minutes repeating to himself, "Noooo, . . . really?".
  8. Akhil GARG!! who doesn't call or anything, doesn't react to calls, doesn't send messages. CALL man, CALL!
  9. The Viral Fever that has currently taken over my dad. my dad, the sweet cute motu man with a moustache who doesn't get peace of mind till he has been to the office and yelled over random stuff, felt guilty and apologised. Who has now been told to stay home for the next 3 days.
  10. The fact that I can't think of a No.10.

So you get it, I am not in a good mood. Leave a comment or something, brighten my day. Kyunki

I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.

Hey did I say I am bored?, well you know I don't say stuff out loud anyways.

the good mood


no no, not just because its friday and I get to spend two days lazying around in my pyjamas, and the fact that i get a respite from my boss who reminds me of the bully mouse from Tom & Jerry, or the fact that when bored I don't have to sit and stare at my blog till my eyes water, or that the ganju guy is growing a stubble on his head now, or that my cubicle-sharer is absent today and I am the sole cubicle-occupier, or the fact that I might meet Sam tomorrow or perhaps that despite his reputation the cook did NOT cook something called "chou chou" last night, or that after dinner I saw Harish and had a great time.or that..........wait, what was i saying??

yeah I am happy that Vikram Seth is writing a sequel to A Suitable Boy. . . . . It is called a A Suitable Girl and will come out by Autumn 2013, and when it does I will so be in line at 4 am in the morning, possibly with ankur and priya by my side :)

Wait 2013, thats about 4 years down the line, where do you think I'll be anyways ? Would I have given into my nani's not so subtle "get married" request? Would I have a High Paying Job or would I be one of those Phd chics? Would I have a boyfriend to bully around? If so, will Ankur still be reffered to as My dukhiyara pati ? Would Akhil still be sulking ? Would Sid Pandey still be working on his report from last night ? Would Harish be on his way to being a Proffessor who uses the line "hey!, the bell doesn't dismiss you, I dismiss you." ?, Would my sister stop saying "eww boys!!" ? Would Rahul Gandhi become PM ? Would Salma Hayek still be with the french chap? Will she give me Antonio Banderas' Phone number ? . . . . .

err you get the picture.

comments and suggestions related to me seeking psychiatric help are welcome.


P.s.- Going out to dinner, returning at an "ungodly" hour, then sitting down to chat with people till 2.30 am, finally sleeping, waking up feeling like the lead in the movie "THE HANGOVER" and having one cup of chai in the morning.... man now I am wondering where the energy to process and relay the staggering info is coming from.

As Pandu is probably saying to himself while reading the post "HYPER". . . yes...i agree :)
I have been in deep thought for the past two hours, deeply aware of my surroundings, I notice those who pass by, those who stop here and those who do not, and recurringly, only one thought comes to mind,it is a question, I want to ask the guy who shares my cubicle.

"yahaan saare ganje kyun hain??!!??"


I realised how I am always in love,
mostly with a person,
and if not, then
With the idea,
Or with the memory.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

But that was so long ago

He wore old-fashioned spectacles that made him look earnest and completely belied his easy-going charm and juvenile but totally disarming sense of humor. That he had deep dimples when he smiled and that they stayed on long after his smile left his eyes.

In those early amorphous years when memory had only just begun, when life was full of Beginnings and no Ends, and everything was For Ever, I thought of ourselves together as Me, and separately, individually, as We or Us.

Displaying a stubborn single-mindedness, I fell in love. It was easy to love him, everything else was effort.

He was the first man I loved, and I never really stopped.

I was the first woman who loved him and yet, He never really began.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

A little distance

"We do not

Even kiss goodnight, yet wake to friendliness

Is it perhaps the tiredness in my mind

Or the fear of a structure set."

Thus the present reality is aided by a recollection of the past, however fitful and temporary that may be. A reliving of intimacy that is no more, yet it remains.

what the heart desires ..... (not in any order)

  • out of the blue phone call
  • jalebi
  • a chic flick
  • hot maggi!
  • Mommy!!!
  • 70% off sales :)
  • nonsense conversation
  • vanilla ice-cream
  • spaghetti
  • THAT rain-on-mud smell
  • Old photographs
  • Dusty books with secret notes
  • The mountains
  • The Little box on the pillow with a ribbon on it
  • Smiley strangers
  • Forgotten 10 rupee notes in pockets

Monday, June 29, 2009

So hello!
I feel like Chandler at work . . . . either free as a bird or sitting there till 8 worrying about the WENUS (watch FRIENDS, u'll get it!) .

So on one of my "free as a bird days", This is my list of all the people I want to talk to right now :

1. Anuj - since its been a long time, and I am an idiot.

2. Samarth - since our last conversation was great and u're the MAN!!

3. Priya- cause i must must tell u about the bald guy from work and coz i love u baby!

4. Ankur - to tell u that my french boss sounds exactly like Clouseau from Pink Panther.

5. Akhil - aise hi :)

6. Prakhar - oh babe, theres so much you don't know yet !!!

7. Neha (Jain & Dua) - well gossip :)

8. Mr.Parasher - to discuss something random and get into a heated argument over nothing.

9. My sister, whose birthday was yesterday - coz i still don't know what to get u. help me!

10. Danish, The count of devonshire - to realise how obsolete anything i am reading is :P

11. Sid Pandey (who's caught up in metaphors, who thinks he is the cake and the cherry and
the icing and what not) - well cause we were remaking (and starring in) the motorcycle diaries and it was fun :)

12. Salma Hayek - to check if she's still with that french chap and while at it, to get Antonio Banderas' phone number.

13. The Queen - to butter her up into setting me up with Will :P

14. Yes, I agree with you, maybe a psychiatrist too :)

Thursday, June 25, 2009

watching movies all day long now, well here are a few......


"You are a part time lover,

And a full time friend....
I don't see what anyone can see,
in anyone else
But YOU..."


"P. Sherman

42 Wallaby Way


"Labels or Love?"

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I am telling you, time could not move any slower. . . . . I am not allowed to talk about work, that I can make my peace with, I would like to inform those around me who know me, that I have to stay shut for 10 hours a day, I am NOT joking.

On top of it, I seem to have developed a cold and sore throat (how??!!) and the only sound coming out me during office hours is a mellow sniffle. Damn it! I will lose my voice by the time I get to Delhi.

In other news, the only cute guy in my office has gone and shaved his head, so now amongst the sea of Balas and Gopalas that make up my office, it is impossible to tell him apart (well, you get the point!).

I am ranting at work now and hence must leave, Damn it!!!!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

some quoted, some created.

The room is the same, the grass is green,
This light of the early evening is the same.

Two could walk in that door,
Talk, laugh, live, play. . . Love,
Two could lie, side by side,
To count the stars,
on the ceiling above.
Here two could be happy and sad
genuinely glad.
Yes Two could. . . . . . . .Two would.

Love, Like the rest
Of our emotions, sometimes needs a rest.
Happiness, too, no doubt.

Monday, June 22, 2009

"...In short
In life's brief game, to be a winner,
A man must have...Oh yes, above
All else, of course, someone to love."

Sunday, June 21, 2009

without much forethought or afterthought....

Above all, to my heart I'm true,
It does not tell me what to do,
It beats I live, it beats again,
For what?, I wish I knew, it knew....

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

So Who's up for PARIS?

Or Venice, perhaps?

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

...And so we have set the question
Aside, gently.
Were we to become lovers,
Where would our best friends be?

Monday, June 15, 2009

....... It's true
that I may have light feet
I'm not in love with you
And yet, with half my heart
I wish I were -

Saturday, June 13, 2009


Because of you, in gardens of blossoming
Flowers I ache from the perfumes of spring.
I have forgotten your face,
I no longer Remember your hands;
how did your lips Feel on mine?

Because of you, I love the white statues
Drowsing in the parks, the white statues that
Have neither voice nor sight.

I have forgotten your voice, your happy voice;
I have forgotten your eyes.

Like a flower to its perfume, I am bound to
My vague memory of you. I live with pain
That is like a wound; if you touch me, you will
Make to me an irreperable harm.

Your caresses enfold me, like climbing
Vines on melancholy walls.

I have forgotten your love, yet I seem to
Glimpse you in every window.

Because of you, the heady perfumes of
Summer pain me; because of you, I again
Seek out the signs that precipitate desires:
Shooting stars, falling objects.

Friday, June 12, 2009

I am in Bangalore, which is great, as I left I announced proudly, Bangalore is my Paris, and it is, I am finally at peace with myself, I can be alone now.

A romantic song plays in the background; it makes me think, not of him, but of the time that I would think of him, all the time, song or no song. Well you know, I did fall in love, and eventually out of it, it was a wonderful time, time was always short when we were together and it was always too slow when we were apart. But then that’s how love is, that’s how it makes you feel. And even when its not around anymore, it always leaves great memories.

Some love stories aren’t epic novels, some are short stories,
But that doesn’t make them any less filled with love.

This is to all those people,
Who have been in love,
Who are in love
Who just fell in love

And to those who are hoping to fall in love again.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

i write this now from bangalore, which is to be my new home for the next month and a half, while my plane was hovering somewhere between delhi and bangalore, at 35000 ft, the pilot singlehandledly took up the mammoth task of making me revise my entire last sem's syllabus for the upcoming training!..... pitching, rolling, the works!.....healthy dose of turbulence kept us all busy.

Saw a cute guy at baggage claim today, our eyes met over a cobalt blue suitcase, and smiled, we lost each other soon thereafter, but it was great while it lasted..

I smiled at you because I thought that you
Were someone else; you smiled back; and there grew
Between two strangers in a library
Something that seemed like love; but you loved me
(If that's the word) because you thought that I
Was other than I was. And by and by
We found we'd been mistaken all thewhile
From that first glance, that first mistaken smile.

Monday, May 18, 2009

i have come so far, its all left so far behind,

i can't remember when it began, or when it ended

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I don't care if i am overreacting but aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

9.7 !!!!!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Happy Birthday,Harish!

In his own words,


If something has to go wrong, it will.

In spite of that, I hope u had a great birthday babe!!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

To that Place where you can't remember, and can't forget...

The same night whitens, in the same branches.
We, from that time, we are not the same.

I don’t love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the breeze to reach her.

Another’s kisses on her, like my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body, infinite eyes.

I don’t love her, that’s certain, but perhaps I love her.
Love is brief: forgetting lasts so long.

Since, on these nights, I held her in my arms,
my soul is not content to have lost her.

Though this is the last pain she will make me suffer,
and these are the last lines I will write for her.

and then sometimes we make promises that we don't keep, but that doesn't stop us does it?

Thursday, April 9, 2009

I've seen many beautiful mornings in which the sun
beautifies the mountaintops, kissing the green meadows
with its golden face and making streams sparkle as if by
magic. But then it suddenly permits the nastiest clouds to
ride across its heavenly face, and it hides from the forlorn
world, sneaking off to the west in disgrace. In exactly this
way, early one morning my sun shone on my face with
triumphant splendor, but alas he was only mine for one
hour. The clouds have hidden him from me now. But I
don't fault him for this at all. Golden men like him can
disgrace themselves as much as the real sun does.

simplifying Shakespeare and applying him in daily life :)

Friday, April 3, 2009

well hello there!

So lets see, my friend Neha has finally labelled me the most boring person she knows, I would take offense but its (kind of) true.... So here are five places I would like to go be boring in - :

1. Vatican City - For all the art

2. New York - For all the chaos

3. Germany - For the History

4. Ladakh - for the space

5. London - Cause i want to :)


i am going to leave u with this for now,
until later,


p.s.- Our Quiz went well, aakash won (no rigging!!)

Saturday, March 14, 2009

May you never know the pangs of unreciprocated love…

Monday, March 2, 2009

aloha, bonjour and hola.

it is Monday and already i have begun to become lazy, well, about college, about work and about life in general, sometimes it feels like life is too long, but then i guess this lull too is temporary, soon i'll be up and about again.

I recently visited Chandigarh, Punjab Engineering College to be precise, in order to find about about this project we are pursuing wholeheartedly, well lets just say the model was a couple of hundred years old and we felt like students of Aero-archeology rather than Aerospace! The college campus is pretty impressive, very similar to IIT-D, well you know it has reaffirmed my belief that any institution earns its good name on the basis of its students and their performance, and hence al our Amity-Lamenting is genuinely a way to put off our own shortcomings.

About Chandigarh, well, having been there only for a day, I can tell you this, that the city is very similar to Delhi (well i am biased to Delhi and look for it everywhere), i mean in the space area especially, to say its very well planned would be like saying that Pradeep is a south indian. The only thing that separates it from Delhi is the pace of the city, it is much more relaxed, laid back and it surprises me that i cannot find anything to hate there..... hence nice place overall!

In more college news, the fest, as expected is fast heading towards crappy-dom..... got into a verbal tiff with a junior and almost made the guy cry, he couldn't tolerate the fact that i thought his fashion show idea was shit. we are to start working on our projects soon, maybe tommorow, so good luck.

nothing much, verma is still bald, garg is still tiny and akhil is still "rabbit-ing" (and letting everyone know!)...

adiós amigos!!

swati "very bored" srini

Friday, February 20, 2009

well hello, i am back, and let's hope this time i stay for good,
life is just how it has been for a long long time, a stream of running water, hitting a few rocks here and there but by and large bouncing back to carry on,
i am unable to decide whether this is good or bad, but it sure is comfortable and convenient.

the recent feeling of unrest has now passed,
i have now given up the guilt of making someone really sad in the course of the past year,
since that person has moved on and is now happy,
"well man, i am happy for you". . . and to his new cheery attitude,
well love does make the world go round!

you know this sort of feels like there always turn out to be people we were meant to be with,
and ishan, its so great that now you have that person in your life all over again.
hope life's great for you and everything is smooth (touch wood!)

crappy college college days are here, i wake up with a profound feeling of not going through the hassle of getting to college but well, you gotta do what you gotta do.
i swear i only do it because of these idiots i am in love with, Ankur Priya!!!!

so our college is doing our first major fest in april and god save us all....
in the name of goodwill ankur, priya and i have taken up the responsibility of the general quiz and god save those who are participating. i recently heard that there are plans of naming the cultural fest something like "aghast" and upon hearing that i, too, was Aghast! ..... i tell you theres no point blaming Amity when people themselves are trash....subham,get a life!

i realised that i can tolerate bus crowds in Noida but cannot, and i mean, CANNOT stand to be around anyone remotely related to THE CHENNAI..... my mum seems to be seriously worried about this fact.

there is a lot of courtesying going on in class, after all we are very polite people....*wink wink*

catch ya later then,


p.s. i spare you the intricate details of my progress on the projects i am doing at college, since this is a blog and not a "daily log" as Mr.Pandey maintains (although there hasn't been much maintaining going on ever since the man got his 8 pointer, so there hasnt been any connecting with us little people!!)

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

When most I wink, then do mine eyes best see,
For all the day they view things unrespected;
But when I sleep, in dreams they look on thee,
And, darkly bright, are bright in dark directed.
Then thou, whose shadow shadows doth make bright—
How would thy shadow's form form happy show
To the clear day with thy much clearer light,
When to unseeing eyes thy shade shines so?
How would, I say, mine eyes be blessèd made
By looking on thee in the living day,
When in dead night thy fair imperfect shade
Through heavy sleep on sightless eyes doth stay?
All days are nights to see till I see thee,
And nights bright days when dreams do show thee me.

Damn! Shakespeare.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

back to delhi!!


so first things first, Happy new year .... another year has walked in on us, hope I succeed in making it as great as i want it to be.happy 2009.

well as for the title of this post, i am back from the week long college trip touring Kanpur and Ranchi...and lets just say i have learnt a few things,

1. i have new found respect for the IAF, and how it works.

2. in UP, Jharkhand, Chattisgarh, u cud name a town anything and get away with it...... CHOPAN, EKDIL, MAEL to name a few.

3. i am learning to open my mind to different types of people, and shut my mind to sum others.

4. Danish has 70 uncles,scattered over UP......!?@#!

and after all that hard work..............

catch ya later then,