Friday, July 31, 2009

emotions, thus recollected

Anesthetized by years

I think of you today

. . . Still worth my present while.

no advice,
the company will suffice.

So show up soon,
bring ice cream. we'll talk.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

of ten minute meetings

mental note :

1. do not encourage impromptu plans with him

2. do NOT sit on a bike he is "driving"

3. do not miss Tarnacha's class to go meet him

P.s. -This "He" is a friend of mine, Cynical, abstract and a much better guy than he thinks he is. but still he should be kept away from bikes!!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Now, I really do not know why people drink... but I can write a paper on why people dance!

yes, we went to tantra today. no, it wasn't Akhil's birthday treat (that one's next week :P)

But I am still wondering about why people drink.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

So We'll Go No More A-Roving

So we'll go no more a-roving
So late into the night,
Though the heart still be as loving,
And the moon still be as bright.

For the sword outwears its sheath,
And the soul outwears the breast,
And the heart must pause to breathe,
And love itself have rest.

Though the night was made for loving,
And the day returns too soon,
Yet we'll go no more a-roving
By the light of the moon.

this one by Lord Byron, caught my eye in a very boring Aircraft Maintenance class, looks like Lord Byron was thinking like me, way back in 1817 !

Monday, July 27, 2009

the newsletter is out, to take things to the extreme, this is how holding a baby must feel like, in this case a baby which has taken 11 months to show up!!

well this has taken so much effort, time, self doubt and trips to the 6th floor, I can't really imagine the original baby process being too difficult...(i didn't say labor, i said baby!)

still, whoohoooooooooo!

Friday, July 24, 2009

to think, and to be

i wonder now,
of those who choose to die,
does death offer them the satisfaction
that life denies ?

Saturday, July 11, 2009

accepted and rejected

If bitterness there is, still there was love,

What you and I have shared reminds me of

These plums that we will separately eat

For all their sourness, they are wild and sweet.


And complains that she is ignored, unloved

Her blood pressure is high, her spirits low.

She is not allowed to eat gulabjamuns.


Friday, July 10, 2009

You really can't help those who don't give a damn . You can try, and fail, but atleast you tried.

ALL in a day's work!

Thursday, July 9, 2009


His presence makes

Our hearts blossom like rosebuds and our eyes shine,

Like torches.

To delight or remind or suggest or console

How we must both have changed;
Only the custom stays,
Educing from the past,
The undying days.

We talk only
Of us, only of us and what went wrong.
Curious, I suppose to note how our rich strong
Companionship has thinned to this lament.

A fellow traveller.

I had always hoped somehow, sometime, somewhere,
I'd meet someone like you, I also deemed
Such visions built on Vodka and on air.
Well today is my last day at the office, and surprisingly today is also the only day when i was really psyched about coming here, i got up promptly at 7.30, scrubbed myself squeaky clean, got dressed, had breakfast, all by 8.30 and then drummed my fingers innecessantly on the table to pass time. . . er? yeah.

So all the way from home P.G. to office, i have been clicking useless pictures of everything I see, (give the girl a camera and this is what u get!) and I finally gave that up when a cow I was trying to click, refused to pose and grunted instead, that was the end of my Annie leibovitz ambitions. Here in office boss-man and taklu have already asked me twice wether its my last day, aww, they're nice guys and I am glad that I am leaving !!

so see you Bangalore,
I am sure I'll come again,
but for now it's back to Delhi - back HOME!!


p.s.- I must be growing up, since I am not starting phone conversations with friends by saying, "did u die or something yesterday ?"

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Office Chronicles

the office is a magical place, since there is so much free time that a loose train of thought can actually form and take you on an eerie trip to places you thought you had locked away in that head of yours and thrown the key away. but more on that later.

So its Akhil's birthday today, so Happy birthday, love! I wish we were all there to celebrate the day and prevent you from vegging out in front of the TV, watching news and updating us on the same later. But I am sure we'll PAAARTY once we all get there, so is it going to be Ruby tuesday again? :P

So here's to Akhil . Initially mistaken as Akhilese, the man with "killer" looks and these days Vividh Bharati, whose love for me never diminishes, even though I by and large make his life hell, Who is probably the only man in the world I can fight with and follow it with "so lunch?". For I love you, man and always will (that is if you are my constant companion in Sarojini trips, oh kidding, you know you'll have to go to Atta too!).

Clunk. (champagne flutes clinking. :)

So in other news, it is my second last day at work, ah the sweet voice of me that I'll be able to hear in two days, during 9-6 that is!. The boss is hyperactively jumping around, pretending to be oh so busy, and his work-wife, lovingly called Taklu (by me!) has decided to learn the nuances of kannada.

Let me tell you more about Taklu, he's a punjabi chap, not married I assume since his mom calls him twice a day, he did once refer to me as Shivani...He and my boss have a committed relationship, They share a wall, and the love trancends all barriers.Taklu speaks french and the boss-man doesn't,they're currently teaching each other their language. They converse in half sentences, which one begins and the other ends. Aww.The language of love.

(by the way it was taklu who conveyed the tragic passing of Michael Jackson to the boss-man, and was inturn his shoulder to cry upon)

The HR department has informed me that I shall get my letter tommorow, or their exact words were, " tom-aah-row, tom-aah-row, we have a raaaather standard f-aah-rmat for trainees. yesyes, tom-aah-row!".

whoohoo, toom-aah-row it is !

Hmm So I woke up at 8.21 am for a workday which starts at 9 am. To think it ends in 2 days. :)

p.s. As I type this, one of the "men" around me are using Ponds dreamflower talcum powder, again the pink one.


It is after all so easy to shatter a story. To break a chain of thought. To ruin a fragment of a dream being carried around carefully like a piece of porcelain.

To let it be, to travel with it, as he did, is much the harder thing to do.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

miss chamko

"arre suniye, Miss Chamko?!"
Baar baar, lagataar,
khushboodaar, jhaagwala,
(pack ke saath chammach free hai, ting tong)
- S.
p.s. - for those of u who recall that I was initially reffered to as Ms.Chamko on my blog. :P

Monday, July 6, 2009

As i got up to leave my cubicle, I cast a momentary glance around the dull room, and my eye caught a sight which will undoubtedly make me grin all day long.

the man in the adjacent cubicle using chapstick, the pink variety.

go on, react.

To a friend...

"Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success, flat stretches of boring routine, and valleys of frustration and failure.”

For some the valleys of frustration seem longer,
but then their summits are higher too.
You know who you are, just remember not to forget that. :)


Sunday, July 5, 2009

Sane / Insane ? who knows!

well its my last Monday at work, and strangely this place is a whole lot emptier today, i mean theres no one in my cubicle, uske saath wala cubicle, uske saath wala, and uske saath wala cubicle.. hmmm. strange, wonder what the geeks are upto today?

Spent the weekend lazying around and "welcoming" new roommate. Spoke to Parasher on and off,that was interesting. Also wasted money on a useless Danielle Steel (which i finished last night at 2.30, what a waste of time/money/hope), also bought a book of love poems- dirt cheap and "invested" in cosmopolitan and instyle UK, picked up some stuff for the sister.

I was reading a couple of my previous posts on this blog, those from over a year ago and it only affirmed the fact that everything seemed so much bigger then, so much more important, every picture was always a little hazy, hence more beautiful. You know the only thing that has changed at all in these years is my perspective, all those things are still the same, its me who has done an about turn, sometimes for the better, some other times with destructive results. It still amazes me.

I have suddenly developd this strange feeling, it feels like the walls are closing in on me, and I wan't nothing but to run away, but wherever I go, there I am. I run mostly from myself than from others, and yeah, well thats it.

hmm now I almost wish the cubicles around me were occupied, it's easier to lose oneself in a sea of people.

damn it, I'll run one of these days. I'll atleast JOG.


Friday, July 3, 2009

The bad mood - II

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?
50 bucks I guess. :(

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
Mor ?

4. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?

5. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
Anything as long as it isn’t clubbed under the BHANGRA MEETS HIP HOP genre.

6. What are you wearing right now?
Not a smile, definitely. Damn u boss!

7. Do you label yourself?
Hmm… :P I do label myself SHRILL at times.

8. Name the brand of the shoes you currently own?
Is Sarojini Nagar streetwear a brand?

9.Bright or Dark Room?

I am a creature of the night……na who am I kidding, I sleep at 10 but I like a dark
room, yes.

10. What does your watch look like?
I am sorry to sound painstakingly redundant, but it looks like a watch.

12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Chatting with someone.Playing antakshari on gtalk :P

13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
Idea aapke liye laya hai………………………. (I have no life!)

14. What’s a word that you say a lot?
Damn it…..wait those are two words, aren’t they. Damn it!

15. Who told you he/she loved you last

16. Last furry thing you touched? eh?
I stay away from furry things, ewe .

17. Favourite age you have been so far?
Now’s great.(touchwood)

18. What was the last thing you said to someone? in person?
To the Boss :Yes sir……Yes sir……Sure sir…….(while thinking to myself– Ullu ka pattha!)

19.The last song you listened to?
Adjacent cubicle guy’s carnatic ringtone .

20. Where did you live in 1987?
Does this question apply to those born in 1989?

21. Are you jealous of anyone?

22. Is anyone jealous of you?
Na I don’t think so.

23. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
Lip gloss, my spectacles, smile.

24. What’s your favourite town/city?

25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
Does a desperate cry for help on a tissue count?

26. Can you change the oil on a car?
Na re.

27. Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
I heard his voice, last night when I was on the phone with him.

28. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
Headache.heartache.the usual.

29.What is your current desktop picture?
Yellow and red maple trees.

30. Have you been burnt by love?
Maybe.I guess so, but then who hasn’t?

Thursday, July 2, 2009

the bad mood- Part I

my problem? my problem? you know what my problem is?
My Problem is :
  1. Grown men using sms lingo all the time. "enuf is enuf" and who says muzik??
  2. People asking me what my "good name" is?. . . sir, I don't have a good name, I do however, have a name, can I tell you that?
  3. Men in V-Neck pull overs, acid washed jeans, wearing gold chains, flashing their N-series "dabba sized" phones with bluetooth and carnatic music ringtones all in the name of "Friday Casual dressing"
  4. People who say stuff like " I like to walk in the rain coz then no one can see my tears", I would like to punch such people in the face and let them out in the rain. Jaa ro le.
  5. Women who cringe when I say what the fuck and give me a look which says, " Swati please, that is so inappropriate." WTF!
  6. Also women who belive "sex and the city" is in all probability a porn movie, and when you enquire if they have it claim that "we don't watch such things."
  7. My boss. who thinks he is a stud and should invest in a deoderant / talcum powder And who should now recover from the Death of Michael Jackson. Last week he heard the news and sat glued to the chair for 10 minutes repeating to himself, "Noooo, . . . really?".
  8. Akhil GARG!! who doesn't call or anything, doesn't react to calls, doesn't send messages. CALL man, CALL!
  9. The Viral Fever that has currently taken over my dad. my dad, the sweet cute motu man with a moustache who doesn't get peace of mind till he has been to the office and yelled over random stuff, felt guilty and apologised. Who has now been told to stay home for the next 3 days.
  10. The fact that I can't think of a No.10.

So you get it, I am not in a good mood. Leave a comment or something, brighten my day. Kyunki

I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.I am bored.

Hey did I say I am bored?, well you know I don't say stuff out loud anyways.

the good mood


no no, not just because its friday and I get to spend two days lazying around in my pyjamas, and the fact that i get a respite from my boss who reminds me of the bully mouse from Tom & Jerry, or the fact that when bored I don't have to sit and stare at my blog till my eyes water, or that the ganju guy is growing a stubble on his head now, or that my cubicle-sharer is absent today and I am the sole cubicle-occupier, or the fact that I might meet Sam tomorrow or perhaps that despite his reputation the cook did NOT cook something called "chou chou" last night, or that after dinner I saw Harish and had a great time.or that..........wait, what was i saying??

yeah I am happy that Vikram Seth is writing a sequel to A Suitable Boy. . . . . It is called a A Suitable Girl and will come out by Autumn 2013, and when it does I will so be in line at 4 am in the morning, possibly with ankur and priya by my side :)

Wait 2013, thats about 4 years down the line, where do you think I'll be anyways ? Would I have given into my nani's not so subtle "get married" request? Would I have a High Paying Job or would I be one of those Phd chics? Would I have a boyfriend to bully around? If so, will Ankur still be reffered to as My dukhiyara pati ? Would Akhil still be sulking ? Would Sid Pandey still be working on his report from last night ? Would Harish be on his way to being a Proffessor who uses the line "hey!, the bell doesn't dismiss you, I dismiss you." ?, Would my sister stop saying "eww boys!!" ? Would Rahul Gandhi become PM ? Would Salma Hayek still be with the french chap? Will she give me Antonio Banderas' Phone number ? . . . . .

err you get the picture.

comments and suggestions related to me seeking psychiatric help are welcome.


P.s.- Going out to dinner, returning at an "ungodly" hour, then sitting down to chat with people till 2.30 am, finally sleeping, waking up feeling like the lead in the movie "THE HANGOVER" and having one cup of chai in the morning.... man now I am wondering where the energy to process and relay the staggering info is coming from.

As Pandu is probably saying to himself while reading the post "HYPER". . . yes...i agree :)
I have been in deep thought for the past two hours, deeply aware of my surroundings, I notice those who pass by, those who stop here and those who do not, and recurringly, only one thought comes to mind,it is a question, I want to ask the guy who shares my cubicle.

"yahaan saare ganje kyun hain??!!??"


I realised how I am always in love,
mostly with a person,
and if not, then
With the idea,
Or with the memory.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

But that was so long ago

He wore old-fashioned spectacles that made him look earnest and completely belied his easy-going charm and juvenile but totally disarming sense of humor. That he had deep dimples when he smiled and that they stayed on long after his smile left his eyes.

In those early amorphous years when memory had only just begun, when life was full of Beginnings and no Ends, and everything was For Ever, I thought of ourselves together as Me, and separately, individually, as We or Us.

Displaying a stubborn single-mindedness, I fell in love. It was easy to love him, everything else was effort.

He was the first man I loved, and I never really stopped.

I was the first woman who loved him and yet, He never really began.