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Showing posts from July, 2011

on change. .

Change. . .is inevitable. nothing can change that, it is really something isn't it.

If I were to count to the different ways in which my life has changed in the past year alone, I would get lost in the vast topography of it, because the little changes have all been myriad and many hued.

all good, nonetheless.
So cards have been printed!. . .atleast the traditional ones, yes the ones that are entirely in Tamil and the ones that I cannot read , but the ones that affirm that yes inch by inch I am getting closer to the wedding !

The reception cards shall get printed sometime in September when I shall be at hand in Delhi to fuss over the envelope colors and font sizes, atleast I'll be able to read those.

For now, I shall go to Delhi, take the card, find The Lawyer, settle down in a corner with a cup of coffee and have him read it to me/explain it to me. . .then he'll need that coffee more than me I'm pretty sure :)

p.s. Haven't gymmed for 3 days, looking for a new excuse to bunk it today too. . . alas the guilt *might* just take over.

Moving base . . .again. .

So I am moving base, returning home. . to Delhi I mean, its rather strange that even as I type the word home, the only image that flashes in my mind is the place where I live at the moment, sharing my room with 3 girls, for the past year. I lived in Delhi for 21 years before this and for all practical purposes that was home, and I loved Delhi with all my heart, I still do. . . but Bangalore, That PG, those roomates, they gave me a real sense of self, a realization of the person I am. All that I am capable of, and all that I can survive on. Bangalore gave me an education, it was more than an experience, now that I return to Delhi, in 2 weeks that is, I am in the know, a deep sense of security rests within, a security that comes not from the thought of marriage, or family or a home. . but a secure feeling that I created for myself, my own coocoon.

So yes this past year was the year of crying myself to sleep a few nights with severe bouts of homesickness, waking up regardless and going to…

The unknown errors of our lives

The hustle and bustle you associate with a wedding was in place, it was utter chaos, I sat there with my mehendi drying off, friends were reminiscing about forgotten school days, aunts were fretting over tiny details, kids ran unabashed, the house which I was to leave in a couple of hours, already looked a little far away and alien, with its rows of lights and decorations.

I was halfway between a guffaw when Ma spotted me from across the room, She caught my eye and held it. She came over to me and looked deeply at me, and said, "My darling for you, I wish all the happiness. I wish. . . ." when someone took her away. I first assumed she was just overcome with emotion, after all she was parting with her daughter, the tiny baby she held in her arms, seemingly not too long ago, was leaving to live someone else's life. But it was the expression on her face that made me take notice, I wanted to go to her and ask her to finish, I wanted to know what that incomplete sentiment in…

to the husband (to be . . .)

Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.I am the eternal nag, I constantly berate the Lawyer for not saying things, not being as vocal as I am and so on, for it all, I sometimes get a patient hearing and a calm explanation, at other times I hear a "hmm" which drives me a little mad.But then, once in a while, He says something with such sincerity, that it knocks it me off my feet. Today, it was a message, a long one, and knowing that he thinks any kind of messaging is an effort, I checked twice to make sure it was him.Having not spoken much last night, This morning as I was starting my day work, his message came.As I sat there re-reading that message, a feeling of awe passed over me . . . then it gave way to a contentment, the kind I feel in his arms. and then an unabashed feeling of security."Thankyou my Darling, I want to wake up every morning to you, for life. . .saying I Love You doesnt seem enough"