Monday, September 30, 2013

hold please. . .

So since the last time I was here,  a lot of things have changed. The biggest of which has been my attitude towards my job, and to think there really was a period in between where i'd started liking it.

So I was in a great position, or so it seemed, with people under me and with lots of authority when the work pressure started to mount. I began having sleepless nights and began dreading each day. I started to spend more and more time at my desk, taking shorter breaks and avoiding friends at work. I noticed that even  after putting in 12 hours at work, i still felt like i needed more time. Just a little more time.

I began to crack and all my relationships began to suffer. A work opportunity sent me to California for ten days, it was such a great thing to happen to me, no one else at work got it but I did, and I still feel like I blew it. I went and came back, all the while missing home and feeling terribly alone.

I came back to an office where my subordinates hated me and I in turn didn't like the bosses. Then one fine day a seemingly mundane encounter with a colleague just blew my fuse, he alleged that I had to be spoon fed and he wouldn't do it anymore. I broke down and cried, Stupid, I know. I should've pointed the stick right back and said mean things but I just couldn't. I just sat there and cried.I cried not because what he was saying was true, but because I put in so much effort in this job and this is what it got me. No peace of mind and in the end no semblance of dignity.

A couple of weeks after this, I decided to resign, I shot off a long mail explaining how it was a great opportunity but it wasnt for me. Everyone at home wanted that and so did I, I wished to get away from the toxic work environment and all that hostility. But they just wouldnt let me go, They convinced me to take 2 weeks off and ruminate, SO i did just that. I took my time off and am back now, only to realise that I still do not like it one bit. I just made up my mind about the place and the people I guess, but I dont know how to tell them. I have my doubts about wether one should throw away a perfectly good job over nothing.

My solution? sit tight and do nothing. Come to work and go back home, try to focus on the other things in life. Clean, cook, read. I'm letting work take a back seat and focus on me. Focus on my husband and the important things in life. I know being anything less than sincere at work is not going to help me, but this is what I am going with for now.

Lets wait and watch.