Thursday, April 17, 2014

Doctor's orders!

ah, hello there. I'm back, I took an impromptu off yesterday and here I am, back at my desk. . . being invisible, so much fun.

On an unrelated note,  I just watched Hasee toh Phasee, and that Siddharth Malhotra has been making me feel all kinds of sensations, he's in that list now, right up there with Randeep Hooda, John Abraham, Ranveer Singh. . . sigh! (Farhan - sexy-voice- Akhtar used to be in that list, but he kind of lost the plot with Shadi ke side effects), but back to Mr. Malhotra, with him I realized that I have a type, the tall and sexy, luckily the universe was in the know a long time ago, coz the lawyer falls right into that category, the man is 5'10" and . . .well. . . moving on.. . .

So the doctor visits continue on the side, these days she does the internal ultrasound and throws complicated words at us, like the follicle has ruptured and is on its way, we blink and wait for the English translation. What follows is a gargantuan effort to not laugh in her face, she basically tells us to go do it (you know, canoodle). and adding insult to injury she tells us, preferably once a night, don't exhaust yourselves. . . .errr. . . So last evening she wrote me a prescription that said do it tonight and early tomorrow morning and then again tomorrow night and try it on 19th if you can. Thanks Doc, this isn't weird at all.

Early morning! This baby better be grateful as and when it gets out.

Going back to being invisible now, Ciao.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Nostalgia and ramblings. . .

So I reread the blog a bit, turns out I'm a bit of a dhakka start when it comes to my job, its a pattern really, take the first job for example, it was weeks, nay months before I came into my own and started enjoying it. You'd think when I finally switched jobs and joined a start-up I'd be loaded with work right from day one, nope, I just read an old post of mine where a month into that job I was lamenting about how I saw no point in waking up and braving a chilly December morning only to stare at the monitor all day.

Here I am, third job, decent pay, dreary office, 2 weeks in and watching sitcoms on my phone. I'm lounging about, didn't go to the gym this morning, just . . .aiwen hi.

I finished watch How I met Your Mother yesterday , although it got superbly boring for a while there, I still got sad when it ended, I remember how it was the next big thing after Friends  and all my hosteler friends couldn't stop raving about it. Now its funny that not many of those friends are around to discuss these things with.

Do you ever suffer from bouts of nostalgia? It catches me unaware often, I am walking out of a crowded metro station and I think I spot a familiar face, sometimes the sun shines a particular way and brings back memories of college and how we bunked classes on a whim, sometimes I want to call them, but I realize most of the times, reality has the better of us, even if we could travel the distance and sit across from one another for the first time in 4 years, we'd probably have nothing to say. It will be too arduous to explain the people that we have become. Even the shows that we watched together are ending, now I don't know what you guys watch anymore. Do you, like me, watch Modern Family? Suits, perhaps?

I don't think I'll find out. . .

Its the end of an era ?

Thursday, April 10, 2014

How things are. . .

So since we last spoke, 2 things happened, I joined the office gym and have been going for the past few days. It does fee good to be on the treadmill everyday and run a little bit longer each time, but I have this tiny suspicion that I might no last, as usual. But I'm going to try anyways. Oh, I went to the gym today for 10 mins though, I blame it on fridays!

The other thing that has happened behind your back, is that I consulted a doctor on the conception thing. As I laid out the facts to her, part of me wanted to run out of the room while part of me was filled with hope, that this might help. So what she asked of me was this, she gave me specific days to go get an ultrasound done and basically monitor my uterus to see if everything was fine. Now the thing about this ultrasound is that its an internal!. . . so the kind doctor takes this stick like equipment and it in. Its literally poking around in somebody's business. The last ultrasound wasn't great, I mean she says nothing is wrong as such but things aren't on track as they should be. It's not the best feeling in the world.

It sucks when you can't stop thinking about it and start playing the blame game. You blame yourself mostly. and it ain't good. I've always wanted kids, always, my mum always worked when I was little so I have this overcompensation thing going on somewhere which makes me want to be Mother India, have babies and tend daintily to their every need. Sometimes in life, the more you run after something the more it runs away from you, the ideal remedy is for you to play hard to get, well much easier said than done.

I'll admit it, its a bit of pressure to have kids too,like this post puts it so well. I'm not in her shoes, as I want to have kids but this whole "my uterus is your business" gets to me too.

Ah now I am ranting.

Anyways, so thats the update. will keep you posted. Ciao!

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Bitten. . . .

. . . . . by the travel bug.

2014 ignited in me a fervent passion for travel, there are some passing days when I sit up take notice and feel this need to travel like there's no tomorrow, this urgency to see the world and drink in all that it offers, to walk unfamiliar cobblestone pathways and fill journal after journal with the details.

I feel blessed for the experiences I've had so far, for the memories I've made, the chill in the air in Australia, the beaming sunshine of San Fran, the madness of Goa, the lap of luxury in Napa Valley, and yet as I recount these memories, I feel there's so much more to do.

On idle days like these, I sit here making my imaginary plans for buying Eurail passes from France to Germany or seeing the theatre in London. My mind is pulled in a hundred different directions, stretched to its limits, its like I want to see it all,go everywhere.

So here's my list, the places I wish to cover in the next 5 years, let's see if I can will life into complying.

1. London : I have visions of walking down Trafalgar Square in trench coats and being uber nice to polite Brits, blimey!

2. Paris : Once before I die, please God please!

3. Bangkok : A relaxed holiday, a spa and lots of bargain shopping. Bliss!

4. Berlin : Honestly, Germany scares me a bit, what with all the history, but I'd like to go there to discover if in fact it too is a normal place with normal people.

5. New York : Manhattan!

Life, are you listening?

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

New beginnings. . . ?

So its been a while since we last spoke, In my hiatus, I read a bevy of great blogs ad books, went through some ups and downs in life but could never really come here and put my thoughts to paper.

Why am I here now?

Because I started a new job, its my third day at work and I have nothing to do. I can't run from the blog no more.

Lets start from the very beginning shall we?, Last you heard I knew I had a bad job, I was confused about what to do further and I was beggining to realise that probably other places I was interviewing for would be worse for me than this office.

So this is what happened after that, It dawned upon me that the place I worked in wasnt bad, it was pretty transparent and they recognised my potential, perhaps better than I did. But my problem was that I could juggle the work and my personal life, I had none to speak of, here I was married and living with my in laws, and slogging it out for 10 hours everyday at work, and then some more by taking calls from home. I had to quit this job coz from the looks of it, it was either this or my family. So I set out looking for a job which would be just that, a job. Not a passion that the previous one was, one that would be 9-5, detached and structured. One I wouldnt have bad dreams about, one I wouldnt care about on vacation.

I found one just like that, the money was good, the location was suitable and I joined.

I am sitting here, in this soul-less office with its 15 floors and terrible lighting, the employees here resemble each other like they were cut from the same moulds, we are after all the company we keep.

It feels like the first day of college, everything and everyone seems judgemental, thankfully I cope better now than I did in college. Hopefully.

So I've sold my soul to a corporate, I hope I make good money out of it and become indifferent enough to pursue my parallel life with gutso.

In other news, Bunty had a baby girl who is the center of our lives. After much deliberation they named her Ananya. She has us all dancing to her tunes and we feel overwhelming love when she smiles at us.

To the Lawyer and me, she feels like our own first baby, we've statyed up nights with her,changed diapers and made fools of ourselves amusing and entertaining her, we've given her a part of our hearts and hope she can always feel this love.

We've been trying to have a child for a while now, but as honestly as we want one something keeps coming in the way, it was mostly work but most of the times its also the stress of getting it this time that kills it. I cry everytime I realised another month passed by and there wasnt a little baby taking shape inside me.

The more I'm told to run from stress the more I run toward it, I binge eat and cry into my pillow, last night I fell asleep crying.

So I made a resolution to be more positive today, to not substitute food for other things and to be stronger.

I was angry at God yesterday, at his unfairness but I'm realizing today that it must be his way of teaching me patience.

I am waiting now.