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Showing posts from May, 2014

This balance. . . .

It is so difficult to understand, this balance in life. To balance love and life, to balance life and work, to balance love and hate, to balance what you should do and what you want to do. . . phew! no wonder we're all so exhausted at the end of the day.

My current crisis is this balance at work, I was in a heavy paced job which satisfied me professionally but left no room for me to be a person and interact with others. So I found a job which would give me a routine, a 9 to 5, a sense of not over doing it. In return I gave up the passion that I found in writing pieces of code that blew my mind away. It feels like I find always something to complain about lately, but the thing is, this balance thing is hard to get.

I come to work every day and leave at 6 every day, the in betweens aren't much to talk about, aren't much to think about. That upsets me.

Lean In

So remember I told you that I'd become a corporate slave? and how the quality of people around me has plummeted? Well, I got a job offer and a chance to possibly get out of this rut, It pays better and offers a challenge, but I'm in a dilemma.

The current job will offer comfort and support which will be helpful when /if I go take a longish maternity break. But it will also affect my employ-ability gravely, I wont learn anything except perhaps some water cooler politics. I honestly see nothing else to gain from this apart from a 'work-life' balance.

The offered job will be more challenging and out of my comfort zone, but more money and more work. I remember Sheryl Sandberg's words as I ponder over this , “The cost of stability is often diminished opportunities for growth” .

Does a work-life balance truly exist? Is it something that can be brought on  by a few changes?

“There is no perfect fit when you're looking for the next big thing to do. You have to take opp…

The hills are alive. . . .

So after being married for a couple of years and hearing endlessly about his Kasauli escapades, The Lawyer finally took me there, almost on whim, we started planning this weekend getaway. We called Bhaskar, who called his neighbors and off we went in 2 cars on a 7 hour drive to the hills. So it wasn't all impromptu, but it was as spontaneous as we could get.

We stopped along highways, at dhabas for tea and tiger biscuits, then stopped again for dal paranthas. We stopped at Timer Trails near Parwanoo for drinks and it was a beautiful property. We reached Kasauli at 1 pm and checked into our nice hotel.

We were taken by the tranquility of the place, and the pace. The pace of people not hurrying along to get anywhere, the pace slowed down by nature and steeping hills. Sky high pine trees and monkeys, and flowers. Peonies, roses and a sea of poppies.

It was a sight which no camera could capture and put up on facebook for others to admire, I took pictures only to remind myself of that…

Choosing Life instead.

Back when The Lawyer and I weren't married, in the year of the long long phone calls (and longer phone bills), 'I want four kids', I told him, nonchalantly.

Over the phone I could feel his eyes widen and repeat 'FOUR kids?', I was 22, I'd read enough and seen enough to decide that I was going to rear a large family,well I was going to whip up meals and build a beautiful home, and my children would be the light of my life, doesn't that sound like Molly Weasely from Harry Potter?, but that's what I wanted.

TL on the other hand, wasn't quite the Arthur Weasely and wisely negotiated and brought the number down to 2. I moped around and thought I'd have 3, if not more. Had plans to sneak the 3rd one in.

We got married soon after and I was on the pill till the first anniversary, then we decided to try and have a baby. It was the right time by everyone's standards, we could conceive and have a baby by our second anniversary, yup that's how thes…

aw crap. . .

I am usually very wary of labeling a day bad, I am superstitious, it makes me feel like I'm jinxing the rest of the day. But today, 2 hours into the day I'm feeling like its a crappy crappy day. I woke up an hour later than my alarm time, rushed through some half baked cooking etc, knowing that the house and the kitchen are messy is making my blood boil (I'm OCD that way) and I showed up to work where I'm discovering everyday what a sarkari mentality the people here have.

My father in law's 60 birthday is coming up, and tradition demands that we have an elaborate function in Chennai in July (ew, heat!), so the task of booking the tickets fell to me. Normally I do this sort of thing quite well, but man this time I screwed up and how, I booked tickets on the wrong date and it randomly caught my eye today. The result? well I paid a good 5 grand to rectify this mistake and have been on a guilt trip since then.

ew ew ew!
It has begun, the job hating, its already here.

I don't like these goons who surround me, yes yes I know, I might be the problem after all, since I dont like anyone initially but baaaah, I hate this crassness. God, find me a classy job.

holding on to hope

First off, I took two days off from work, just cause. . . .on Wednesday I actually finished up all the cooking and left for office, boarded the metro and got off two stations later, something about that voice in my head. I walked to a nearby temple, and then went back home. It was like one of those seize the day commercials were playing in my head.And Thursday I just didn't feel like getting off my . . .derriere.

Honestly, this month i thought I was almost there, that I would pee on a stick and it would show me the two pink lines of joy, but I tried it this morning and it didn't. Then mid morning I was down, and let go of any hope.

I don't know how to feel really, somewhere inside I am a tiny bit okay with all this, something reminds me that I am 25 and all this is very premature anxiety. I remind myself that for 25 and 30 yr olds, my husband and I are doing fine in life, providing for our family, parents and siblings. I remind myself not to feel inadequate by setbacks li…