Monday, August 24, 2015

The power of me.

There have been times, when I've been distraught because a co worker has been ignoring me or when people fail to show minimum amounts of courtesy, I've been angry at this world that we live in , with all of its rude people and this in turn has affected my actions.

I was at a job a year ago, the one at the startup, where my career was going steadily up. So much, that I could see my rise and the growth that it promised, I went to San Fransisco on that job, I was outranking colleagues in no time and was praised for my EQ, for dealing with clients.Then came the evil pitfall, I let myself fall prey to other people's negativity, mostly the jealousy that accompanied my rise. Looking back I realize, more often than not, when people ignore you or undermine you it is because they're insecure. I made the mistake of wanting to blend in with them, that took away my peace of mind. I was losing my grit and gumption, and quite frankly my mind. Pretty soon, office became hell, I didn't get along with my superiors anymore, all because I wanted to please the junta. In a year I was done, I quite the job that could have changed my life and made me very very successful, in for a cookie cutter role, where rise is slow and politics is higher. I thought I was picking security over my inherent insecurities. But I realized soon enough, the mistake was always in letting someone else dictate my self worth.

People will always be rude, always be bullies. That shouldn't change who you are or how you were taught. Certainly, you must evolve, you must grow and pick up the good things, learn where there are opportunities, but you must always listen to yourself first. At least you'll be 100% behind every decision you make, even the bad ones, Isn't that how we learn?

That is what I want to teach my Beanie, to be strong, to trust his instinct always. Never to bend to pressure and always know what's right for him. You're better off enjoying a lunch alone, than to endure someone whose company you don't enjoy, who doesn't make you feel good.

P.s. - I still meet people at work who ignore me, who walk away to drink tea in groups without having the courtesy to ask you, but they bother me much less. I remind myself, I'm better off not mingling with those who don't imbibe the same values as i do.

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Too much free time. .

Its a lazy saturday, i can't find a blog to read or information on the web to soak up, so my mind wanders.... Such random thoughts , here they are -

1. Aishwarya Rai looks so hot in Kajra re( someday i'll read this and explain to my grown up kids what kajra re was)

2. Randomly watching antakshari episodes on Youtube, damn i miss that show!

3. Do you think the baby will take Lawyer's dancing gene? 

:) velle!

Thursday, August 20, 2015

To the baby - At Ten weeks!

Over the years, I've noticed how my blog has become a place to collect my thoughts neatly. I read a plethora of wonderful blogs, that have a huge following and know in my heart that I can never write to an audience that way, or hold a line of thought for too long. But what this blog has become is serve as an index for my own thoughts, I often go back and dig out posts of despair to remind myself of how far I've come. So in a bid to preserve all that I want to say to my unborn child, this is an attempt to post something new , every week atleast. I know I wont start a separate baby blog, but someday I can read these and give myself some food for thought.

I am 10weeks and 4 days today, the baby is as big as a prune and I am showing just slightly. I am more rounded overall and I crave crave crave junk food!! I am at work, no one's come in yet but I can't stop dreaming about lunch, there is pasta clouding my mind at this very moment. I keep dreaming of baby girls, wonder if that means something?

I have a scan in a couple of weeks which checks for healthy brain development in the child, and I am a little worried for that, overall the moods go between happiness and despair.

This week I've reread some of my harry potter books, and can't wait to introduce them to my Beanie baby.

Dear Beanie,

I hope you get my reading gene, your Papa is intelligent as hell but the man can't read a book for pleasure and how I wished he would. I can't wait to smother you with books, and hope you take after me!

Love,

Ma

Monday, July 13, 2015

Hope

After months and posts of ranting here, about wanting a child and not wanting to go to the doctor anymore, what if I told you that I am pregnant ?!

Yes, God has been kind to me, on July 1st I took a test and then another on the 2nd, to be surprised by the faint second line on my test. I never get the second line!!

Its still unbelievable, honestly. I found a new doctor, who seems educated and modern, she asked me to take a test called the HSG that the previous doctor had also suggested but somehow I'd never come around. But this doctor convinced me and that too without too much trying, maybe theres a right time for everything after all!

So here I am 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant! :)

I took 2 weeks off from work and frankly the TV serials that my ma in law watches are so shitty that I'd rather be back at work. It's crap i promise.

Anyways, this is the big news that has forced me out of my bloggy retirement, I am happy but not too much, I am definitely scared. Hope I keep posting happy things.

Ciao :)